Cosmic Questions

It’s time to definitively answer some questions that no one else seems to want to answer. Let’s do this.

First up: Can God create a stone so heavy even He can’t lift it?

           

Answer: No. To elaborate, omnipotence means that you can do anything, not create anything. The whole question is just a cleverly disguised contradiction. You could rephrase it as “Can God do so much that he does something that he can’t do?”, and that doesn’t make any sense. The dude can lift anything with finite mass, end of story. I say finite mass because an object of infinite mass would break the universe (infinite gravitational attraction to every other object sort of thing). I guess He could create something of infinite mass, destroy the universe, and then fail to lift it because it no longer exists. I want to change my answer.

Number Two: If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

Answer: First of all, apes. We evolved from apes. Secondly, the major evolutionary step between us and apes was moving out of the forests and into the plains. The difference in habitat meant that we were no longer competing or breeding between groups. All the species between us and apes that lived in the plains our ancestors either killed off or interbred with, so that’s why they aren’t around anymore. Apes meanwhile were having their own evolutionary history separated from ours by a bunch of trees.

Number Tree: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Answer: A tree can’t fall in the forest if no one is around to observer it. All the unobserved trees simply exist in state of superposition where they are both fallen and standing simultaneously. It's not until the trees are observed that their wave functions collapse and they exist in a specific state.

Question the Fourth: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Answer: This depends on whether you believe in creation or evolution. In creation, God made a chicken 6,000 odd years ago and it promptly started laying eggs, so chicken first. For evolution, something that wasn’t quite a chicken laid an egg that hatched into the first chicken, so egg first (I’m assuming the egg in questing is “egg that will hatch into a chicken).

V: How do we fix global warming?

Answer: Do nothing and just let the climate sort itself out. When the temperature rise due to greenhouse gases the icecaps will melt and raise the sea level. It’s not like anybody lives on the coast or anything. Increasing the surface area of the oceans will work as a heat sink helping to balance temperatures. Increased evaporation will result in increased rains (more surface area equals more evaporation right?), which is a natural way of scrubbing CO2 from the atmosphere. Bonus points if the ocean currents change and Europe loses the Gulf Stream. All those new glacier in Northern Europe will be a good storage of water, helping keep sea level down (I’m sure no one would mind is France has the climate of North Dakota and Ireland is indistinguishable from Newfoundland). All that CO2 from the coal and oil is really just what was already in the air a few hundred million years ago. Sure the only terrestrial life supported back then was amphibians and arthropods, but that’s nothing that a few mass extinctions can’t fix. I think we can all stop worrying.

One that I already kind of covered: Zeno’s Paradox

Answer: Look at this math formula that is basically what Zeno is describing.

One is a number between zero and two. It’s also between 0.9 and 1.1. It is in no way infinity. If you can’t get to one from zero you have problems.

Last one: What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Answer: One hand can’t clap. Clapping is defined as “to strike the palms of (one's hands) against one another resoundingly. You need two hands to do that.

Well, I hope we all learned something today. Feel free to ask me more questions so that I can completely annihilate them with my logic and reasoning.

Another Ten (Twelve) Music Videos

            I’m doing another list of music videos because I just really like music videos and found more that should have been on my original list. I like some of these videos more than previously ranked ones, so I’m going to Dewey Decimal them into the old numbering.

1.5  Harden My Heart – Quarterflash

            I’m really ashamed that I missed this one on the first list. This is one of the most dream-like videos that I’ve ever seen. I just wish that my dreams were this good. Rindy Ross in a unitard, 80’s Peter Dinklage, running into younger versions of yourself, and saxophone solos (also featuring Rindy); what I wouldn’t give for a dream with any one of those. Don’t forget dudes in tuxedoes on dirt bikes and an ending where a bull dozer knocks over the set and then someone (also in a tux) lights it on fire with a flame thrower. This is probably the greatest thing that has ever been accomplished in a gravel pit.

2.5  Parking Lot Nights – Ghosthustler

            A Power Glove wearing misanthrope physically assaults people in a parking lot after dark. Beyond the Power Glove it has a lot of other nice 80’s touches; VHS quality, a NES set up on an 80’s TV, breakdancing, lasers, and great music. A hidden gem to be sure.

4.5  Music Is My Radar – Blur

            Synchronized dancing by people dressed to look kind of like robots (body suits and bike helmets) while everyone else doesn’t react to it. The dancing is just hypnotic and great. British talk shows look boring during the not commercial break parts. I like other Blur videos, but this is my favorite

6.5  Taking This Town – Icehouse

            I’ll just start out by saying that I prefer Iva Davies without the mullet. My favorite part of the video is probably the crazy dudes in the colored outfits riding motorcycles through whitewashed ruins, but the crowd rushing out to jam in front of the stage and the painted guys in underwear dancing on the scaffolding were good touches as well. This was the golden age of male homoeroticism right here. Featuring the Fairlight CMI is a nice 80’s touch.

7.5  Take on Me – A-ha

            I was tempted not to do this one because it’s just too obvious, but I think it still deserves recognition. The whole pencil sketches that come to life are great but there’s more than just that. There’s evil Fins, a romance story, cuts to Norwegians playing instruments, and an ending that might be ripping off Altered States.

12.5  Love is a Battlefield – Pat Benatar

            Pat is just such a rebel. She leaves home to strike out on her own on the mean street of City I Don’t Recognize, but when some sleazy dude is bothering a girl in a bar, she and all the other punked out chicks unite and intimidate him with some choreographed dancing (I would be freaked out too if a bunch of women spontaneously started doing that chest shake move at me). When he tries to dance back she throws a drink in his face and then all the chicks dance out of the bar and into the sunrise.

14.3  What Is Love – Haddaway

            Haddaway is being chased around a haunted mansion by some scantily clad, club dancing vampires. It has some decently cool backwards effects and snap zooms into people’s crotches. It’s got something for everyone!

14.7  Playing With the Boys – Kenny Loggins

            This one is special because I actually like two videos for this song. The official one is about a “battle of the sexs” volleyball game. It has lots of high fives, 80’s chicks, an underdog victory from behind, and Kenny Loggins jumping into frame to sing directly into the camera. It's pretty much an entire 80's sports movie in under five minutes. It's easy to read in all the necessary character; the main character who is basically perfect in every way but has confidence issues (red, white, and blue girl), her wise cracking best friend (pink and white), the one with unrestrained sexuality as a primary trait (blonde hair, white top), a quirky foreigner (dark blue top and pony tail, who I read as Swedish), a single black character (black girl), and the duchy/date-rapey bully (guy who does finger pistols). The other video I like is just a series of Top Gun clips, which is hard to beat. You could play any song with scenes from Top Gun and I would like it, but Kenny just takes it over the top. It’s true that “one of life’s simple joys is Playing with the Boys”.

15.5  Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!

            Never has the mood of a video matched the song so perfectly. It’s basically the most cheerful thing ever, and that’s even before everyone gets into pastel clothes (which is before the black light scene!). The audience of young women ogling George Michael in his short shorts makes me feel kind of bad for George, but he’s just so happy in the video that this soon passes.

17.3  Physical – Olivia Newton-John

            It got classy 80’s fitness stuff to start out. Then Olivia antagonizes some fat dudes, but when she takes a shower they got really fit. Plot twist when the guys are so fit that they get turned on by each other and they forget about her. She end up playing tennis with another fat guy, so a happy ending I guess. Olivia just oozing sex the whole time is a plus too.

17.7  Ballad of Bilbo Baggins – Leonard Nemoy

            Words fail to describe, so you should probably just watch it. I will say that Leonard Nemoy can add dignity to literally anything. This song is set for a comeback with the new movies and all.

19.  Don’t Look Back – Fine Young Cannibals

            This is the epitome of an 80’s music video for me. I just imagine someone learning the new art of video effects, finding some stuff that looks cools, and making a music video out. The technology was so new that they had no choice but to be original. The video is basically just the band performing the song, but with some well used blurs, smudges, and flashing images they make something that’s fun to watch.

If anything is to be learned by this list it’s that I really love the 80’s, appreciate the 90’s, think the greatest thing you can do in a music video is have the vocalist jump into frame and sing directly into the camera, and enjoy videos with more creativity than budget. I cooled it a bit with the links on this one (I got a little carried away last time).

Cob's Dreams

I started a new blog because I apparently don't have enough to work on. It's called Cob's Dreams because I apparently like simple yet descriptive names. It's about my dreams with some self analysis and auguries thrown in for spice because apparently one blog about the idiosyncrasies of my thoughts isn't enough. It all started when I began writing down my dream. Next I decided to draw them, and then I decided to share them. The drawing are a good way to push my skills, so the quality is questionable but they're more ambitious than some of my other stuff. My poor handle of perspective and scale only adds to the dream like quality (I wish). I'm still catching up on some backlog, but I hope to eventually update this blog nearly every day. If this blog isn't unreadable enough for you feel free to check out the new one. I also added an Other Stuff I've Written page on this blog so you can find links to all of my internet ramblings in one convenient place. Cob out.

Why is everything on the end table so tiny?

The Appreciation of Pictures

            What is art? Now that I’ve been engaging in possible art-like activities I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Am I doing art? Am I not doing art? Is art even a thing that you can do? Let’s talk about it.

            I’ve heard it said that art has no function but itself. I struggle to even comprehend the implications of this definition. Personally, my drawings are meant to convey meanings. I’m trying to express feelings, thoughts, and even humor. I’m using it to communicate, and that seems like a function outside of art itself. Apparently I’m not doing art. Does that mean stuff like Emily Dickinson’s poetry is real art? Maybe art is writing poems just because you can and not actively sharing them. It might just be me, but I still see function in this. Writing down thoughts and feelings helps relieve mental tension and expands your understanding. These are functional things. Emily is out then. All that leaves is really abstract stuff. Say I make a snow ball and throw it at a concrete wall just to see what kind of pattern it makes. Art? Nothing is communicated since I’m by myself and the snow will quickly melt. I don’t gain any new understandings (other than more reinforcement for my belief in physical laws, but that would only really be something if it didn’t follow expectations). It does make me feel kind of good. Is that a function? I’m pretty sure this definition of art is terrible, and I’m going to abandon it.

Art?

            It’s time to come up with my own definition. How about; anything that conveys meaning in a subjective manner. The word subjective is the important part. Who cares about if art is creative or useful; I think the important aspect is that it’s different for everyone. Real art should generate a personal experience for anyone that encounters it. For any item or art; be it song, drawing, sculpture, book, or anything else; some people should enjoy it and some people shouldn’t. They should also do it for personal and unique reasons. Furthermore, the people who don’t like art are just as important as the ones who do. If everyone liked art it wouldn’t be the same. Inventing a device to make anyone’s brain experience a designated feeling isn’t art. If I like “One Night in Bangkok” because it’s a metaphor for my life, another person likes it for the Thailand references, and another person hates it because they think the 80’s were the lowest point in music history, that’s good. That’s great. That’s ART.

            Just as someone who doesn’t like art is important to the art, art someone doesn’t like is important to the person. If you don’t like modern pop music, that doesn’t mean that it’s bad and shouldn’t exist. If everyone just “made music like they used to” then there would be no variety, no originality, no contrast. If disliked music didn’t exist, you couldn’t understand liked music. All you could say is “I like music”. That still implies a contrast (as in music over painting), so all you could really say is “I Like” and that doesn’t have any meaning. There needs to be contrast for anything to have real meaning. If black didn’t exist alongside white I would have a really hard time trying to get any points across.

            In conclusion, I think art for an individual is distinguishing what is liked from what it not. Drawing has made me much more aware of this. Now when I look at an illustration I note things like the line work, coloring, shading, realism, and perspective. I then decide if I like them or not. This goes beyond things that would traditionally be described as art. While brushing my teeth this morning I was looking at the way my hand held the brush and how the brush entered my mouth and was able to view it the same way I would a painting. Some positions were good and some weren’t. Different arrangement conveyed different meanings. I suddenly have no idea where my definition of art stops, but I think that’s a good thing. 

Comics!

I drew a thing:

This is my first actual comic that I've finished and is basically just a test to see if I can make emotive faces. I've been working all week on character design (by which I mean head shape, haircut, and uncomplicated clothes) and figuring out how I want to draw. I think I'm on the verge of mediocrity. My goal is to have some sort of comic site going by the end of the year. Also, I plan to do some more actual writing at some point; because where would I be without dorky essays on esoteric topics?

Montage

This is what I've been up to lately:

So, I quit my job to become a writer and the first thing I do is make a video. Don't question my methods. It just seemed like the right thing to do, and I learned a lot. Mostly I learned that a montage is probably too ambitious of a project for someone without much experience making movies. I suck at lighting (my bathroom is the only lighting I liked), acting (my face is just all over the place, all the time), shooting (as in I just set the camera down and let auto-focus fail for me), and editing (I don't even begin to understand proper montage construction). On the other hand, I think my shot positioning wasn't terrible, and I built a rig our of cardboard to hold my camera that I'm pretty proud of.

All this so I could cut my hair

Next time I think I'll just talk into a camera while sitting at my desk... or maybe I should stick to writing.

Two Weeks Notice

            So I’ve decided to quit my job. But I got better. 

Dive Quest – Revisited

            Diving is still a thing that I’m doing. I don’t call it spearfishing anymore since I’ve given up on carrying a spear. This decision was made for a few reasons. First, while I’m still mad at fish for being able to breathe underwater and not needing to pay taxes (also getting to live in more of the Earth’s volume), I no longer feel the need to stab them in the face. It’s kind of like how I’m more than willing to eat beef, but I wouldn’t want to kill the cow myself. I still fish traditionally, but killing something while you look it in the eyes is different. The whole first reason is purely intellectual, because I still suck at spearfishing (as in rarely finding fish so that I can then fail to take them). Reason two has to be that it is hard to continuously be unsuccessful at something and not change how you do it. Changing locations to try to find fish or getting help from other people weren’t really options that I was interested in, so basically just heroically gave up. Mainly, I quit using my spear because it interfered with the use of my new underwater camera. A seven foot long spear was awkward to swim with normally, but trying to hold it and use a camera at the same time was totally not working out. In the end, I’m undividedly happy about my choice.

            Nothing that would be interesting in narrative form has occurred since I last reported in. I have tried to take other people diving with me on two occasions, but equipment failures foiled both attempts. I’ve also seen other people out diving, but I made no attempt to contact them and stayed as far away as possible, as is my wont (hurray Asperger’s). This post is mainly just a vehicle for sharing some of my pictures, so I guess I will stop wasting time. Here are some of the more attainable fruits of my revised hobby:

A Bass

Another Bass

A sickly Saugeye

A Walleye

Assorted Fish

Baby Fish

            I like these a lot more than any fish sandwich. If I don’t make it in food photography (or foot modeling), I think I might try wildlife photography (feel free to call me National Geographic). 

Top Ten (14) Ubik Outfits

            So I finished rereading Ubik. I noted earlier that the outfits in this book are something that I enjoy immensely and they were just as good the second time. Every time a character is introduced in the book their clothing is described, and it is some of the most outrageous stuff I've ever read. In honor of the recent costume based holiday, I would like to share a list of my favorite clothing descriptions from the novel (I'm going to note the genders of the wearers since I think it adds to the impact). I've already Google searched anything I thought wouldn't be easily visualized (be warned that some contain somewhat scantily clad women, since that is the inherent nature of any internet search).

1.  Fuchsia pedal-pushers, pink yak-fur slippers, a snakeskin sleeveless blouse, and a ribbon in his waist-length dyed white hair - worn by a male

2.  Tweed toga, loafers, crimson sash and a purple airplane propeller beanie – considered a Continental outfit, worn by a male

3.  Green felt knickers, gray golf socks, badger-hide open-midriff blouse and imitation patent leatherpumps –  I'm assuming knickers is short for knickerbockers and not British slang for panties, worn by a male
 
4.  Mohair poncho, apricot-colored felt hat, argyle ski socks and carpet slippers - worn by a male

5.  Natty birch-bark pantaloons, hemp-rope belt, peekaboo see-through top and train-engineer’s tall hat - worn by a male

6.  Cowboy hat, black lace mantilla and Bermuda shorts - worn by a female

7.  Silk sari and nylon obi and bobby socks - worn by a female

8.  Polyester dirndl, long hair in a snood, cowboy chaps with simulated silver stars. And sandals - I enjoy how "and sandals" was its own sentence as written in the book, worn by a male

9.  Electric-yellow cummerbund, petal skirt, knee-hugging hose and military-style visored cap - worn by a male

10.  Old-fashioned, hip-hugging gold lame trousers, and kelp-green mitty (middy?) blouse with egg-sized buttons - worn by a male
 
11.  Ersatz vicuna trousers and gray sweatshirt with full-face portrait of Bertrand Lord Russell - worn by a female

12.  Shift dress the color of a baboon’s ass - I considered Searching "baboon's ass" but then thought better of it, worn by a male

13.  Floral mumu and Spandex bloomers - worn by a male

14.  Maxiskirt - I like to imagine that this is the lone clothing item, worn by a male

            I still laugh every time I read these. The absolute deadpan manner of their inclusion in the book also adds a lot. Apparently fashion in alternate 1992 decided that anything and everything goes. Just the variety and knowledge of clothing names that it would take to write this astounds me. This is all the proof I need to know that Philip K. Dick is a genius. 

Posts That Never Were

            Not every post that I want to write comes together in the end. Sometimes they are prevented by a simple accident, sometimes my opinions change, and other times I am failed by humanity as a whole. What follows are descriptions of three posts that could have been, but weren’t.

            Occasionally my job sends me to work on projects far from home. It adds a nice feeling of adventure and a sense of living on the road to my job that I enjoy. This adventurous spirit, and the limited number of things to do with my free time, makes for ideal writing conditions (my Dating History, and Norse posts were written while working out of town). Last year I spent some time in North Dakota building a road in the middle of oil country. The incredibly profuse nature of the work going on was amazing, and since I carry a camera for work I was taking plenty of personal pictures to document the situation. These pictures varied from lines of semi-trucks, gas flares, wildlife photos, and plenty of sunrises and sunsets. When I got back I wanted to take the best of these photos and use them in a blog post that chronicled my trip. Sadly, when my boss was uploading the pictures off of my camera to get the ones that were actually work related; he deleted everything on the camera when he was done. I had already moved the pictures from the first week of my trip onto my own laptop, but all of the pictures I took specifically for the post were lost. Due to the hectic work schedule in the summer, when I asked for copies of the pictures to be sent to me it took over a month, and then I still didn’t actually get the pictures due to technical problems. At this point I was no longer feeling the spirit of the post, so I gave up on the enterprise. Here are some of the pictures that I was able to keep:

There are actually more trucks out of frame too

I'm glad that I kept this one

            I don’t like Apple products. It comes from an appreciation of open source technology, and my feelings on this subject are probably detailed enough for their own post, but I bring it up for a reason. I desired an MP3 player as I occasionally enjoy listening to music while on the go. Buying an iPod was completely out of the question and the other brands on the market just seemed like inferior copies and weren’t very appealing either. After a Google search for open source MP3 players I found the Daisy. The only catch was that I would need to build it myself. I saw this as a challenge, and a good excuse to learn to solder. I bought myself a soldering iron and related paraphernalia, and started out with a multi-meter kit to learn the skills I would need for my Daisy. The multi-meter went together nicely (other than the fact that it isn’t calibrated, since who would guess that you need a working multi-meter to build one; but I don’t have any need of reading precise amperages anyway so no matter), and it appeared that soldering was an enjoyable and rewarding new skill. Then it came time to build my MP3 player. I would like to take this moment to say that all surface mounted components can burn in hell. Needless to say, things did not go well. One chip in the build needed to be surface mounted onto the board, and it was the first thing that I attempted as I knew it was going to be the hardest part. The first problem was that I needed a finer tip for my soldering iron, but I couldn’t find a way to buy one that would fit. I eventually just used some copper wire wrapped around the tip as a jury-rigged solution, but now I had some solder baked onto my board that I couldn’t get off. I bought some flux (and some tip cleaner since keeping my copper wire tinned was a pain), and tried again. This time I was able to get the chip onto the board, but I had a few drops of solder that were bridging the contacts that I couldn’t remove. Yet another trip to RadioShack, and now I had some desoldering braid. This just completely failed to work at all, and I eventually got so frustrated by the whole ordeal that I ended up stabbing the contumelious chip multiple times with my soldering iron. As a bonus this broke my completely feckless helping hands, which were an added source of annoyance. I ended up throwing away all my soldering equipment and have sworn never to attempt soldering again. So much for that post I was going to write about how sweet my new MP3 player was.

Pre-flipout

I hate that chip so much

            I’m a fan of science, and as I fan I feel compelled to support it. Luckily for me there is such a thing as RocketHub, where I can give money to support science project at me leisure. I am also a big fan of reptiles, so it only made sense to combine my two loves and held fund some project that involved studying these wonderful creatures. As a bonus, two projects I was interested in offed to let me name an animal and would send me updates about them as they were studied. I figured telling people about my adopted reptiles would make for a truly stupendous blog post. Neither project had attracted much funding yet, but they both still had nearly a month left, and I was confident that people would follow my shining example and fully fund both these project. NOT A SINGLE ADDITIONAL PERSON GAVE MONEY TO EITHER OF THESE PROJECTS AFTER I DID. What the hell? Why don’t people like supporting studies about reptiles, especially when they will let you name one? People will give thousands of dollars for some black and white movie about heroin addicts, but my two project only raise a combined $225 ($200 of which was from me). Seriously, what the hell?

This is a Panamint Alligator Lizard

How could you not fall in love with a face like that?

Cob the Aloof

            So I recently drew a self portrait of myself, and in an attempt to do something useful with it I decided to make a statistics page for myself, RPG style. Here's what I came up with.

I think the head ended up a little wide, but acceptable artistry in the end I guess

Attributes: (The theory hear is I created ten attribute categories based on five mental and five physical capabilities, and then distributed 100 points between them to represent my strengths and weaknesses)

Strength -           12                           Intelligence -        16

Constitution -     9                             Willpower -           10

Agility -                 7                             Wit -                       11

Beauty -               8                            Charisma -           13

Perception -        6                            Insight -                 8

Weapon of Choice: Bo Staff (can be less then lethal, has utility outside of combat, and can be easily improvised)

Power Animal: Goose

Humor: Phlegmatic

Skills: Math, Operating Computers, Repelling Women (Passive)

Traits: Asperger's Syndrome (grants bonuses to math and science skills while reducing social skills), Retro (strong appreciation for the culture of the past, with disregard for modern trends)

Turn Ons: Obscure references that are relevant to my interests, open-mindedness, and willingness to pick up a joke and run with it (absurd humor is best done with an accomplice)

Turn Offs: Unabashed ignorance, compulsion, and becoming emotional during intellectual debates.

Elemental Affinity: Water

Weakness: Groups of over four people

Favorite Band = Foreigner

            This British/American (hence the name) Arena Rock Super Group has been my favorite band ever since I was 16 and actually started to care about music (due to the fact that I needed something to listen to while driving). I “borrowed” five Foreigner tapes from a friend, and proceeded to play those tapes until they would play no more. Foreigner just has so many great songs, but the strange thing is that few people (of my age at least) can recognize the band by name. Similar bands like Journey, Styx, and Queen seem to be much more widely known, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s this semi-exclusive quality that I like about them, but anybody who has listened to classic rock radio should recognize at least a half dozen of their songs. It’s the songs that are what I really love about this band. I know virtually nothing about this band outside their music (maybe a low profile lifestyle is why this band isn’t recognized), and I really don’t care to. The songs are what I love so the songs are what I will talk about. In the order in which they appear in the discography, here are discussions of my favorite Foreigner songs:

The Self-Titled Album

Feels Like The First Time – The aptly named first song of their first album. In my opinion, a mandatory opener for any Foreigner compilation tape. Nothing amazing in the lyrics department (most just repetitions on a theme), but Lou Gramm is really belting it out in this one. Off to a good start, let’s continue.

Cold As Ice – Now we’re talking. The piano part is so simple yet so charming. This song is a good example of how well structured many Foreigner song are. The song is simply a Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Bridge with the ending basically just Cold as Ice being repeated as a round with some nice background vocals. It’s nothing fancy, but it works. The lyrics even come in within the first ten seconds, and I appreciate a song that gets right down to business.

Starrider – Definitely one of their dorkier songs, but I’m a sucker for a sci-fi theme. Based on a true story of when the band was abducted by aliens (the same thing happened to Styx). The crescendoing “speed increasing, all control is in the hands of those who know” chorus is my favorite part of the song.

Headknocker – This one has a bit of southern-rock flavor to it with a theme about a bad-ass guitar playing, back seat mauler, bar room brawler. This dude has a ’57 coupe (only rhymes with the American pronunciation), walks with a stoop, and swears James Dean isn’t dead. The warnings not to mess with this guy and his threatened violences escalate as the song progresses, which is a nice touch.

Long, Long Way From Home – An up pace, somewhat confrontational song. I enjoy the songs were they work in a saxophone since a sax solo can wail just as hard as anything, if not harder (it is probably the hardest rocking instrument that you need to blow into). The “I’m looking out for the two of us” line is delivered as only Lou could do it, and is my favorite part of this one.

I Need You – Starts with an amazing slow build up, and I thoroughly enjoy all the instrumentation in this song. There are times when I don’t even know how many instruments are playing, but I know that I like it. This is true super group material, and everybody is bringing their A-game to this one.

The Sophomore Album

Hot Blooded – I really like how they jump right into the chorus 15 seconds into the song. This is my ultimate pick up song, and I don’t even live a pick up lifestyle. There are some legendary rhymes in this song with stuff like you-rendezvous-do-who, but the whole thing is nearly ruined for me by the fact that the first verse matches mind with mind. You guys can do better than that! Here, how about this: “You don’t have to read my mind, Baby it ain’t hard to find, honey you ought to know.” Was that so complicated? They also rhyme sign with sign later in the song, but it works due to the pleading nature of the lyrics, so I’ll let it slide. In the end, when they change up the third chorus to say “burning inside of me” instead of “one hundred and three” I totally forgive any bad rhymes. This song even got reference in Dinosaur Comics, so you know it must be good.

Love Has Taken Its Toll – A like a song that tells a story. This is a plain story about a man winning over a woman who wanted nothing to do with him. You can’t really fit much narrative into a three and a half minute song, but this one does a good enough job for me. She kind of jumps right from backhanding him to pleading him (nearly), but they do drop a “to make a long story short” in there, and that sax solo could melt any women’s heart.

Double Vision – A song about parting hard and getting mentally befuddled. The weird thing is that the tone is neither hard nor fast like you would expect of a song about partying hard and living fast. It’s really a fairly smooth and mellifluous song, and comes across as a praise of the phenomenon of double vision rather than any causes of such phenomena. It’s strange, but I like it. The line “my mind is racing, but my body’s in the lead” is my favorite part.

Who's been writing song titles on this stall, and what is this women doing in the men's bathroom?

Dirty White Boy – The classic tale of a lower class boy getting together with an upper class girl told in song form. This theme shows up everywhere; from Billy Joel songs, to Star Wars, to Super Mario Brothers. None of them coin such a stupendous term as Dirty White Boy though, and I also get a hint of a dominant/submissive aspect to this relationship (“you want me to be cruel to ya”), which is something.

Love on the Telephone – An angry song for a nice change of pace. This one is the story of a relationship falling apart over a long distance. Plenty of phone references to be found that aren’t applicable to today’s world, but I still enjoy when he threatens to tear a phone out of the wall (to an operator no less). One of a few Foreigner songs where days of the week appear in the lyrics, but they are so easy to rhyme with that I guess it’s not super surprising.

Women – This is kind of a silly song that just throws out a bunch of different kinds of women (from those “behind bars” to “in limousines”). That’s all it is; no story, no chorus; just... women. The word “women” is used 35 times in this song, which is an average of once every 5.83 seconds. Another rhyme fest, which is something I like, and I don’t know what is going on with the guitar in this song, but I know I like it.

I’ll Get Even With You – Revenge is this song’s theme. The lyrics are mostly descriptions of the negative impacts on the singer, and his assurance of getting even. I like how the target of this revenge is never describe, and the nature of the offence is left vague as well. It could be about anything and anyone and I appreciate how it’s so widely applicable.

Head Games – A person can only take so much psychological warfare in a relationship. You can’t always solve a problem by talking and some people are just bound to fight. Interpersonal relationships are hard, and leaving can be the only good option left.

Rev on the Red Line – Hints of illegal street racing before it was cool. This song was way ahead of its time. It discusses a love a cars, women who love the best times (as in track times), high speed chases, and paying off court officials. I think that pretty much covers it.

My favorite album of the bunch

Night Life – Another song about partying, but with a lively mood this time. This song glorifies all things nocturnal, and refers to the day only with disdain. The life of the night is complete with everything from neon and noise, night owls, and girls “never doing what they oughta.” I have no desire to live this life for myself, but I do enjoy the occasional song about it.

Juke Box Hero – A coming of age tale about a boy who goes from listening to concerts from the rainy alley outside, to a rock legend. A tale about the power of one guitar. A tale about struggling to get on top, and struggling to stay there. A tale about stars being in people’s eyes. This song just rocks so friggin’ hard that I can’t help but feel good when I listen to it. This is early 80’s rock at its finest.

Urgent – Some love songs just don’t have any room for romance. A body has needs, and these needs can get Urgent. When two people can satisfy these needs for each other it’s something worth singing about. Another great saxophone song, and there is also some synthesizer work by Thomas Dolby, which is always excellent.

I’m Gonna Win – The greatest tragedy of the 1980’s what that this song never made it into a montage. This song oozes that 80’s motivational charm. The grim determination towards winning just makes me feel capable of anything (“I want to taste it while its hot”). Even the instrumental in the song reeks of the will to succeed. This is my favorite Foreigner song due to these stimulating qualities, and a good song to end on.

            After their first four albums I haven’t found any Foreigner songs that I really love. They still have some pretty good music there, but it just isn’t at the same level for me. All the non-Lou Gramm stuff I just don’t have any interest in. One disappointing thing about Foreigner is that they never really figured out music videos. Maybe this is why they aren’t well known by my generation (I also don’t judge them to be the most attractive musicians of the era). It isn't hard to find a radio station that doesn't play at least a few of their songs, so they aren't that obscure. My old tapes have now been replaced by CD's and it is only a matter of time until those will be worn away by use as well.

Myriad (this is my attempt at a catchy name for a philosophical text)

            I’ve come to a conclusion that all justice, morals, virtues, and concepts of good and evil are completely relative. Not in the way that you can come up with whatever you want and be correct, but that they are determined by the social system in which they exist and not universal constants. This statement seems obvious after thinking about it for so long, but I guess I can still back it up with some discussion. Morals are going to get the most focus since they’re most commonly believed to be unchanging.

            The way I see it, it all starts with the social system. A social system is just any structure that human beings use to organize their interaction with one another, ranging from a nation, to a club. By my definition; within a society justice is beneficial action, virtue is valuable traits, morals are concepts for propitious behavior, and good and evil are labels for anything that is advantageous or harmful. Here’s an example. In my wider culture of the United States of America during the early 21^st Century, sex between an adult male and a young boy is considered to be very wrong. So much so that it’s considered justice to send those whom commit this act to jail, where they will be considered to have less moral value that murderers and thieves. Compare this to Classical Hellas, where love between a man and a boy could be considered superior to love between a man and woman (See Plato’s Symposium). Men would have a mentoring relationship with young boys and these relationships included a physical component. The boys were not damaged in any way since this was a completely accepted aspect of the culture, and they likely benefited since they learned stuff and a caring physical relationship can hardly be traumatic. A similar system also existed in Feudal Nippon, just to show it’s not a lone aberration. I realize that in modern times these relationships are typically conducted with additional antisocial acts like assault and kidnapping, but the sexual aspect is usually considered to be the most morally reprehensible part, and without the stigma against the relationships the violent aspects probably wouldn’t commonly exist (I assume here that being taught that one’s natural urges are wrong and need to be repressed might create an unstable and violent individual). This moral belief and others sex related morals (anti-homosexuality, condemning premarital sex, and denouncing all non-monogamous relationships to name a few) can probably be traced to this countries early Puritan roots. But how about murder, it’s always evil right? Well, I can come up with a social system that wouldn’t agree. Imagine a warrior society that believes in a concept of survival of the fittest and glory through combat. Killing others could be viewed as a way to prove ones worth and also as a way or removing those who weren’t valuable to the community. Hypothetical societies like this can be imagined for any act viewed as morally wrong in a culture, and also the opposite where good morals are viewed as evil.

             What I think can be taken away from this idea is that you can’t judge actions within another culture as right or wrong by your own cultural standards. It’s easy to view another society as inherently evil due to differences in the morals built into the social systems, and it’s harder to just accept and tolerate differences. Morals are not completely subjective though, and an individual can’t act in any way desired and claim to follow a different system. Citizens in a social system are obligated to act in the society’s best interest or expect repercussions. It’s only natural for a society to protect itself and encourage the behavior that benefits it, and this is where laws, police, moral education, and such come from. It seems like the problems are that social systems can’t be objectively measured as better or worse, and that many people live in systems that they don’t completely agree with. A solution to this would be to organize various parallel social systems that exist with free movement of their citizens. Diverse cultures could be created in something like city-states, and every member of a culture would be expected to be a willing participant. The more diverse cultures the better, with differences ranging from political organization to economic systems to whether or not people eat meat. Individuals who find that they don’t agree with the culture they live in could hopefully move to another that better suits them, and many morally influenced crimes could be simply punished with exile to another culture that doesn’t view them as crime. Thieves could be sent to the city where property doesn’t exist, adulterers to a free loving state, and embezzlers to a free market anarchy. Exile could be used as a punishment for all serious crimes, with those unable to fit into any group sent to uninhabited areas to create new groups (this isn’t really feasible with the current population on Earth, but once we are capable of living off this planet we can send them to live on asteroids or the like). I’m a big fan of exile, since with justice being actions that benefit society, if a criminal can’t be trusted to cooperate with the social system it's more beneficial to simply make them leave than to dedicate infrastructure to imprisoning them or to waste their life by ending it. I hope societies could be much more stable with all the members giving their full support, and as long as each group recognized the morals of the others as different but not inherently wrong, then many conflicts could be avoided (like Crusades). A focus on judging laws and morals according to how they better a social system rather than as objective facts could also be helpful (such as would legal drug use or the illegal drug trade causing more damage to the society).

            I’m tempted to go on about my opinions on the social contract and other thoughts but I think this is enough moral/political philosophy for now. I think my postulation that morals are relative base on the social system in which they exist is sound, and I fail to come up with a moral idea that can’t be reversed within another viable system. The first way to apply this idea is to be more tolerant of the morals and cultures different from my own. This is easy for me with my non-coercion leanings, and leaving others to their own devices is what I do naturally. In conclusion, I agree with the belief that no one does evil intentionally, but my interpretation is that they just don’t agree on what actions are the most beneficial for society.

Top Ten (Twenty One) Video Games

                I’ve been hesitant to write about video games on this blog. It’s not the most accessible topic as I’m prone to use lots of jargon while discussing it, but then I realized that my word choices probably lead to a few unfamiliar terms in many of my posts (lubricity is such a perfect word for describing dolphins). What follows is a collection of mini-rants about the games that have left the largest impression on me through my life. These will probably be completely meaningless to anyone who hasn’t played the particular games and many of them are obscure, so here goes.

1.  Diablo II: PC – This game combines power fantasy and the experience of looting and leveling in the perfect mix. Add in tight and simple game mechanics that still involve variety and depth, and you get what I consider to be a timelessly good game. I did some further writing about this game on a short lived Diablo III blog. In short, this game is pure freebased fun, without any intrusive story, moral choices, or visual setpieces. What it does have is a bunch of monsters to kill, loot to collect, and levels to gain, and that is all you need.

2.  Morrowind: X-box – This was the peak of immersive world gaming for me. I once wrote a long manifesto against the evils of instant travel and level scaling that has ruined this genre for me, but I won’t subject you to all that. What I do like is a large open world packed with things to see and do, but where nobody sleeps because I really don’t enjoy needing to wait around for my favorite pawn broker to open their shop. This game also had great power fantasy value paired with a sense of progression, since you need to gain a few levels before you become an invincible being of pure adventure (in Diablo II you basically start out as a rabid tsunami of extirpation)

3.  Halo: X-box – My personal peak of the shooter genre. A fun campaign (except the Library, screw that level) with solid co-op, and the best multiplayer game I have ever experienced. The multiplayer was so good due to the majesty that is a LAN party, before the days when easy online multiplayer made LAN mainly a thing of the past. Also, more guns in a game are not better, especially when all you could possibly need is a single scoped pistol.

4.  NBA Jam: SNES – The Jams; they can only be matched by the Slams. For those not familiar with this game, it is 2v2 basketball where you always use the sprint button, you can do triple front-flip dunks from the free-throw line (along with many other fun and exciting dunk animations), defense consists of shoving your opponent to the ground, breaking the backboard is a common occurrence (but only in the fourth quarter or overtime), and you can play as Bill Clinton and Al Gore but not Michael Jordan. I should also mention that every game is a nail biter, the commentary is delightfully over the top, and I have become physically sore while playing this game because it’s so intense.

5.  Command and Conquer (Tiberian Dawn): PC – This is my first real experience with RTS games and it is therefore indelibly etched into my memory. Factors that make it still stand out for me are the lack of a population cap and slowly renewing resources that means the only limit on army size is the time you’re willing to spend building it and the amount the game engine can handle before crashing. I also like the old school tile base unit placement, so that I can make walls of tanks. Other factors are a great mix of modern tech with science fiction elements, a stupendous soundtrack from Frank Klepaki, and Joe Kucan (and his most sinister goatee).

Pretty sure at least 99% of Kane's charisma comes from the facial hair

6.  Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic: X-box – This game still has the best story and the best characters of any game I have ever played. The act 2 plot twist legitimately blew my mind, and the fact that I could seduce Bastila also blew my mind. I have fond memories of Carth and Bastila like they were actual childhood friends, and still have strong hostile feelings towards Jolee Bindo. I also think that Mission’s butt gave me xenophilia (if you are outraged at this comment about a 14 year old character you should know that I was 14 when this game came out). The dark side ending was pretty sweet too.

What can I say, I was pretty easily aroused at 14

7.  Age of Empires II: PC – The top things I like about this game (plus expansion) in order are Petards, Trebuchets, and building walls (so many walls). I also learned some semi accurate history, which is nice. This game really hit my favorite historical period for reenacting battles, since guns just take all the fun out of everything and gaining a huge tactical advantage from having longer lances than everyone else isn’t cool enough for me. The huge variety of historic factions is also great, because who hasn’t wanted to see war elephants fight Vikings?

8.  Portal: PC – The smartest game I have ever played. Not just because it involves clever puzzle solving and intelligent humor, but also that fact that Valve (my favorite developer, see Half-Life and Team Fortress 2 from this list) exhaustively play tested the game and tweaked and trimmed everything to give the best possible experience. The game mechanic of placing and moving through portals is also brilliantly fun and interesting, and I have enjoyed simply playing with portals almost as much as the structured game.

9.  Half-Life: PC – Any game in which you get to play as a theoretical physicist is pretty good by me. Not only does the story involve physics but there are fun physics gameplay elements as well, and visuals that got everything out of the existing technology of the time. I played this game after having already played the sequel, and I was totally satisfied with the graphics (I played with my graphics boosted by Blue Shift, so they were a little better than the original). This game just has an old timey charm (in computer terms anything more than ten years old is old timey) and simplicity that is the reason I prefer it over the newer sequel.

10.  Bioshock: PC – This game wields atmosphere like nothing I’ve ever played. The richness and detail of the under-water, Ayn Rand-esque dystopia is superb. Everything is really original and fits together flawlessly. This game is a perfect example of how video games can be a superior medium for storytelling. The gameplay is also fun, which is basically just bonus.

11.  Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past: SNES – This game had a religious status for me when I was younger. In the game I felt that everywhere I went there were things to do, explore, and puzzle out. The mechanic of collecting items to gain skill to then solve more puzzles to collect more items was very engaging and satisfying. When I call my regard for this game religious I’m not exaggerating. Once when I was young I made a prayer to the “Zelda Gods” to help me win a pinewood derby. It must have worked because I did end up winning (that or my Dad is just wicked good at making pinewood derby cars).

12.  Dynasty Warriors III: X-box – This is something that I consider to be a cult favorite. The premise is you play as your favorite warrior in ancient China using various logical (a spear), illogical (a 6’ long 2’ wide sword), or extremely illogical (a flute) weapons to kill hundreds of regular soldiers and every enemy officer you can find. You also level up and get loot and stuff, and at this point in the series there was the smallest hint of a story connection the battles. This is another power fantasy game, but playing cooperatively has also been a major part of the game for me since I have almost always played it with friends. I like this game so much (and the later sequels) that I read the books it was base on.

13.  Heroes of Might and Magic III: PC – Another cult favorite, this time a Turn Base Strategy game with a fantasy setting (if you couldn’t guess from the name). It features various factions (knights, demons, elves, and orcs are common among others), and heroes with might or magic based abilities to aid you in your conquests, naturally. Army unit numbers often exist in the hundreds if not thousands which is entertaining, even if they only operate as a single chess-piece-like unit in combat. Favoritism is a major component of why I like this game, since picking a favorite faction and favorite heroes and then trying to use them exclusively is something that I enjoy. I have also played the many games of this series (the third being the best one in my opinion) with friends quite a bit through my life, and when I have many such fond memories tied to a game it’s not surprising when it shows up in my top ten (twenty one).  

14.  Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: X-box – Inspiration from the 1980’s makes any game better. This is my favorite iteration of the Grand Theft Auto series, which are the king of the open world sandbox genre. Other than the 80’s reference, in this game I had a mansion with a helicopter on the roof, and none of the other games can compete with that. If I had to explain why GTA games are fun I guess I would say freedom (to crash cars and get into gunfights with police?).

15.  Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa: PC – As a person with a semi-sarcastic love of Space Jam and the basketball scene in the 90’s, plus disdain for Japanese Role Playing Games, it’s like the humor in this game was made specifically for me (straight faced absurd humor is also a favorite of mine). When I first read the Wikipedia page about this game I just thought it was a joke because nothing so ridiculous could actually exist, but later when I played the game it was even more ridiculous than the Wikipedia plot summary.  The whole thing was created as a freeware game by some guys on the internet, and I admire that open sourceness.

Boo-yes

16.  Arcanum: PC – My definition of dialog based RPG’s. After this game I always play charismatic characters when I can due to how much I enjoyed gathering follower and solving problems with persuasion rather than force (no other game has been as satisfying since). I also fell in love with the world of the game. A deep steampunk fantasy universe, and the concept of magic and technology having difficulty operating in the same area is genius. This game even had my favorite ending of all time, when after the game was over they went back and showed how every town and village you had visited had been changed by your actions, for good or for bad.

17.  Super Mario World: SNES – A classic. I’m not totally sure what makes gameplay of moving from left to right through a level while trying not to bump into any bad guys so entertaining; I just know that it is. This game also featured many alternate level solutions to create multiple paths through the world, and that was a nice puzzle solving aspect. The 16-bit soundtrack is also redolent of my childhood.

18.  Splinter Cell Chaos Theory: X-box – My choice of the stealth genre. I prefer my stealth slow and methodical with creative ways to climb through the levels. This game also had my favorite co-op campaign of all time. The amount of tandem climbing moves, belayed descents, and timed take downs really hit the spot for me. Those night vision goggles are dead sexy by the way.

19.  Luftwaffe Commander: PC – A World War II fighter pilot flight simulator game, this one is pretty obscure. The experiences of shooting down French bombers, dogfighting with low flying Russian fighters, and dead-sticking a damaged plane back to earth were all things that I really enjoyed. It had enough realism to be fun (like jettisoning my long range fuel tank), but not too much to get in the way (I’d shot down over 250 enemy planes by the end of the war, and crashed at least a dozen planes of my own).

20.  Toy Commander: Sega Dreamcast – I never actually owned this game (or a Sega Dreamcast), but I have very fond memories of playing it at a friend’s house. The concept of the game was that you played as toy planes and trucks within appropriately scaled house environments. We used to engage in four player dogfights and it was one of my favorite multiplayer experiences of all time. The levels were always dense and maneuvering through the household objects was a large part of the gameplay. The selection of units to play as was also very diverse (I always picked helicopters, because even back then I strove to be different), and we would often pick vehicles from the same time period to add extra flare to the matches. 

21.  Team Fortress 2: PC – This game got me through some troubling times. I hated the experience of living in the dorms during my first two years of college, and I turned to escapist gaming to deal with it. I started out playing World of Warcraft, but since I’m not really into social gaming (or social anything) I never fit into the culture. I used it as a way to stay connected to people I knew from home, but I slowly grew to despise MMO’s due to the fact that social skills were too tied to game progression and the general trend of gameplay simplification (I went through one patch too many). I convinced one of my friends to join me in leaving the MMO scene and we went to Team Fortress instead (he was in the Navy and I believe as unhappy with his situation as I was). While still a social game (with a competitive focus), we played it as partners or rivals, with the relationship between us being the only one that mattered, and all the other players as just a part of the game. This game combined with a no talking policy between me and my roommate was largely responsible for keeping me sane during my second year of college.

      I think this list does a good job of showing what I love about video games. They have stupendous entertainment value with things like power fantasy and concrete measure of achievement, portray stories in an interactive medium, and are a great way to interact with others. I enjoy activities like baseball and snorkeling too, but I can’t toss a ball around after work with my friend who lives eight hours away. Depending on the game, they involve more thinking that most activities, which I support. These games and others have had large impacts on my life, and I think video games will continue to do so into my future.