The Postal Service vs. Owl City: A Comparative Essay

            I’ll listen to just about any music featuring a synthesizer. I also enjoy the novelty of hearing new things. This leads to a lot of YouTube surfing looking for my newest musical infatuation (AdBlock being a must for this). This essay isn’t about an infatuation though. Recently I found something different.

            The Postal Service (TPS) was originally introduced to me in a Todd in the Shadows video, where he referenced it as music that was difficult to dance to. As someone who doesn’t do much dancing, I was intrigued. I hit up their top tracks, and while I didn’t dislike it, I wasn’t captivated either. Before long I’d moved on and mostly forgotten about them.

            Sometime later, Let Em Riot was on the Beyond Synth podcast (yes I know this is a lot of namedropping, and yes I’m okay with it), and TPS was brought up as a synth band with strong lyrics. Owl City (OC) was then mentioned as being similar yet inferior (this comparison is not an original idea of mine). Likening TPS to my favorite synth act was a surefire way to get me interested again, but I also wanted to know what OC was about. What I found was a fascinating example of what I value in music.

            The best way to proceed may be a direct song to song comparison. Take “The District Sleeps Alone Tonight” (“District”) by TPS, and “Vanilla Twilight” (“Vanilla”) by OC. First off, those song titles. Ironically, while “District” explicitly references sleep, “Vanilla” is the one that renders me unconscious through explosive boredom. In a contest for banal and generic song titles, it would give it all my votes.

Anyway, I picked these songs because they cover related subjects. I can only say related, because while “District” seems to be about longing after a failed relationship with regret and reluctant acceptance, “Vanilla” is about vaguely missing someone. Same theme, different scopes. Those description also say a lot about the depth and richness of the content.

Moving on to the music then. TPS is an example of what I really like about synth music. “District” is built on drums, a subtle keyboard baseline, and some nice electric quirks. Mixed in are some stings, guitar, and those scales (which were an amazing combination of whimsical and haunting). The music stays interesting throughout the whole song, plus the way the layers increase and the tempo picks up give the song a sense of building emotion. “Vanilla” feature a simple keyboard melody with what sound like stock synthesizer samples mixed in. The “big” solo at the end is the same keyboard melody, but some knobs were twisted to get it to sound a little different. I was not very impressed.

How about the lyrics? The vivid imagery and metaphor in “District” was great. They show a story rather than simply tell it. For example: “I’m barely listening / to last demands / I’m staring at the asphalt wondering / what’s buried underneath”. I can see that relationship ending due to the mental absence of the narrator. OC’s lyrics… they tend to be trite, derivative, and filled with treacle to the point where I want to vomit. And never before have I seen such a perfect example of how rhyming can take all the poetry out of lyrics. I will admit that there are a few lines I like, such as “Cold nostalgia chills me to the bone” and “waist deep in thought”. Sadly, any ground gained was instantly lost by “The silence isn’t so bad / ‘til I look at my hand and feel sad” or “As many times as I blink / I’ll think of you / Tonight”. Ending a verse with a draw out “tonight” is just the absolute worst thing ever.

If not lyrics, then maybe the vocals compare better. Again, covering TPS first, I like their vocals. The mix is very clean. The two voices harmonize well together. The sort of distance in the backup vocals is good. I don’t really have the words to express exactly why I like these vocals, I just know I do. So, what about OC? What I want to know is; is that reverb an after effect or does his voice just sound that way? I don’t like it. Also, he doesn’t really emote. There’s just this constant mix of whiney and pleading in his voice that I find off-putting. I’m going to have to go for a thumb down on the vocals in “Vanilla”.

Let’s try the music videos. They operate on a whole different artistic medium, and may contrast differently. The clear 1980’s inspirations in the “District” video won me over right away. Those projections onto the bed are very “Burning Down the House”. But there’s more than just that. The video tells a story which is almost completely unrelated to the rest of the song, which I like. And the ending where the alarm clock displays the album title is super classy. And the “Vanilla” video? Well, mildly good-looking people gaze at a literal interpretation of a vanilla twilight while he plays his keyboard in a lighthouse. I also guarantee that the (lame) CGI in the “Vanilla” video cost more money than the entire “District” video. “District” has props literally made out of construction paper, and it looks like they just invited some friends over to be in it (I just want to be pals with that guy in the blue suit jacket with the beard, and I’m not sure why). Shaq is in the “Vanilla” video. This actually makes me like Shaq less, and that is just completely unforgivable.

Is it just the beard?

Faces are certainly a thing that both singers have. I can’t possibly get upset over that. To be honest, my facial recognition isn’t the best, and when I first saw him I actually mistook Adam Young of OC for Ben Gibbard of TPS. I figured maybe the explanation for OC was just a misguided solo project. It turns out that isn’t true, and they’re different people. I still think they look fairly similar except that Young’s face is a lot more punchable. On a separate note, while doing my Google image search of faces, I found that Gibbard had a relationship with Zooey Deschanel and Young had one with Taylor Swift. Surprisingly, I don’t have an opinion one way or the other about this. I just found it interesting.

Ben Gibbard

Adam West

Well, what if these songs are just atypical examples of the artist's work? Further research doesn’t support that hypothesis. “District” is not my favorite TPS song (“We Will Become Silhouettes” is), nor is it my favorite music video by them (which is “Such Great Heights”). I feel safe in saying that “District” is not an anomalously good effort by TPS. For OC, I haven’t dug quite as deep in to the discography (for reasons), but “Vanilla” may be the least infuriating song I’ve found. Seriously, how can you get one thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs? Either one thousand bugs are hugging you while the other nine thousand simply spectate, or you’re somehow implying that it takes ten bug to make one hug, and that is just patently absurd.

Ugh. It’s not that I enjoy trashing Owl City. Actually, that’s a lie; I’m enjoying this more than I should be. It’s that I feel a little guilty for tearing down something that some people like, misguided though they may be. I don’t even think I really hate the music, or else I wouldn’t be able to listen to it. The problem is that it makes me feel nothing, and this is a state too unsettling to be allowed. My mind has to create this disgust just so it can feel something. It’s both terrible and compelling.

Up there we gotta talk about Top Gun. That’s our job.

            Some people don’t like Kenny Loggins. Maybe they’re mad about how he ditched Jim Messina and left smooth music (the best Loggins and Messina song was “Your Momma Don’t Dance” anyway, which is explicitly about the superiority of people who rock). Maybe they hate the 80’s and everyone associated with it (which is ridiculous). Maybe they’re beard racist (is that even racism?). Whoever these Loggins haters may be, or whatever their reasons, I do not count myself among them.

  

            When he wasn’t teaming up with Michael McDonald to write smooth music and thwart the evil Hall and Oates (who sold their blue eyed souls to become New Wave), Kenny Loggins was making the rockingest movie themes of all time. Yacht Rock is good and all, but I believe this to be his one greatest destiny (best possible universe again). The only 80’s movie music makers who were even in the same league as Loggins were Harold Faltermeyer and Giorgio Moroder. What’s that? They both worked on Top Gun too. Oh geez!

Faltermeyer is known for his work on such classic films as Beverly Hills Cop, Fletch, and The Running Man. Wikipedia calls him "one of the composers/producers who best captured the zeitgeist of 1980s synthpop in film scores". I really can't put it any better than that. For Top Gun, he wrote and performed on “Top Gun Anthem” with Steve Stevens, which won a Grammy for Best Pop Instrumental Performance. Double Steve was Billy Idol’s guitarist, FYI, and he really puts on a show in that music video. Harold also wrote “Mighty Wings” which was performed by Cheap Trick. These songs book end the movie and their importance shouldn’t be underestimated.

  

            Giorgio Moroder was the genius behind much of the music in Flashdance, Scarface, and The NeverEnding Story. Boldly lifting material from Wikipedia again, he's "credited with pioneering synth disco and electronic music". Personally, I’ll always remember him as the guy who composed “Danger Zone”. He did have some help from one Tom Whitlock on this masterwork, and they also teamed up to write “Take My Breath Away” for Berlin. Moroder worked on a few other songs in Top Gun, but these were the two biggest songs of the movie. They charted at #2 and #1 respectively. That’s not nothin’. Moroder's called "Take My Breath Away" the work he's most proud of, so Top Gun was the peak of his career. The song also happened to win him and the film an Academy Award. He may have gotten a little carried away with the music in the board of inquiry scene, but I forgive him.

  

            Also on the soundtrack are Miami Sound Machine, and Loverboy, which is enough talent to get me excited right there. But we were talking about Kenny Loggins. Fun fact: Mr. Loggins was actually the fourth act to be approached to perform ”Danger Zone”. First asked was the band Toto, which I probably could have lived with. Next was Bryan Adams, who thankfully refused since the film glorified war (It sounds like somebody needed to realize that Reagan was in office and the 70’s were over). Third up was REO Speedwagon, and that might have been okay. Thankfully, they finally got to Kenny, and he didn’t have any legal problems, or ethical objections, plus he already had another song in the movie. I don’t think I need to point out what this indicates (B.o.a.P.U.).

 

            It’s hard to put into words how much I love “Danger Zone”. Something about the fusion of synths with electric guitar. And that saxophone mixed in at the end just puts it over the top. A saxophone is by far the hardest rocking instrument that you blow into. Then the lyrics are just so bad ass. Revvin’ up you engine / Listen to her howl and roar / Metal under tension / Beggin’ you to touch and go! I should admit that for quite some time I though the chorus was “I went to the Danger Zone”, and not “Highway to the Danger Zone”. Either way, that’s some motivating stuff right there. It’s perfect montage material, and puts the song at a solid number three on my list of all-time greatest montage music. For informational purposes, #1 is “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, since that song defines montage music, and #2 is "Space Jam", because it’s time to slam jam. Put simply, “Danger Zone” is a song about being stupendous, and it makes me feel stupendous when I listen to it. I like “Danger Zone” so much that sometimes I think it’s the primary reason I like Top Gun. It is a little suspicious that I like Kenny’s big soundtrack hits in the same order that I like the movies that they were attached to. The lists go:

1^st: “Danger Zone”

2^nd: “Footloose”

3^rd: “I’m Alright”

Distant 4^th: “Meet Me Half Way”

And then:

1^st: Top Gun

2^nd: Footloose

3^rd: Caddy Shack

Distant 4^th: Over the Top

Coincidence? Maybe, but consider that I also like the second Kenny Loggins songs from those movies in the same order!? That order being:

1^st: “Playing with the Boys”

2^nd: “I’m Free (Heaven Helps the Man)”

3^rd: “Mr. Night”

Non-existent 4^th: ???

Who knows, maybe if Over the Top had a second Loggins song I would like that movie more than I do (or maybe it was that annoying kid or all the Cannon Films craziness). Before I go on a Frank Stallone tangent I’ll get back to talking about the K Log, and the logical next topic is of course, “Playing with the Boys”.

  

            Anyone with the intellectual maturity to get beyond the juvenile reaction of “ha ha, gay” can see that this song has some points worth discussing. I’ve already covered the music video in one of my top ten lists, so I won’t discuss it here. Also, it doesn’t contain any Top Gun footage, and therefore isn’t admissible as evidence in this essay. The song itself is actually kind of difficult to unpack. The music is an airy synth track with impactful beats and cheerful guitar riffs. It certainly sounds upbeat, and Kenny’s triumphant delivery with the, what I’m going to describe as “cutesy”, backup singing only reinforces this. Then it has lyrics like: When dreaming takes you nowhere / It’s time to play; It’s man against man / And all that ever matters / Is baby who’s ahead in the game; I said it’s just a boy’s game / But girls play too; In this kind of game, people get hurt / I’m thinking that the people is me (which is my favorite line, since I’m a sucker for describing an individual as people); and One of life's simple joys / Is playing with the boys. My reading of the song is the story of a man who’s in a relationship that's getting to serious for his liking, so he’s compensating by spending more time with his friends. That’s not certain though. Maybe it’s just about volleyball? It was featured in the movie Side Out after all. Or it could also be about a homosexual romance. I can’t be sure, but I do know that this song was responsible for establishing one of the most memorable scenes in Top Gun. I’m of course talking about the volleyball game.

  

            This simple game of volleyball may just be one of the most defining movie scenes of the 1980’s. Some possible competition is when ED 209 blows away a junior executive in Robocop, the water bucket dance in Flashdance, the ”That’s not a knife” scene in Crocodile Dundee, the warehouse angry-dance in Footloose, or Phoebe Cates getting out of the pool in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. My money’s still on volleyball. It has everything: a rocking soundtrack (which I already discussed), excess (because of the way it is), unapologetic homoeroticism (obviously), and it’s a group of adult men playing a game of beach volleyball unironically (they took the time to tape up their wrists). It’s just a lady with big hair and some cocaine away from being the Platonic Form of the entire decade.

The scene isn’t only included to set the tone though, because it also helps develop all the major relationships in the movie. We learn that Maverick and Iceman have some comradery in their rivalry, because you don’t play volleyball with people you hate. Tension is introduced to the Mav-Goose partnership when Mav leaves to spend time with Charlie even after Goose begs him to stay. Then the relationship with Charlie is kept unsure, since not only does Maverick shows up late (I really like those inserts of Maverick checking the time, but who wears a watch while they're playing volleyball?), he also leaves early (because he needs to take a shower). That’s a lot hinging on this scene. I’m pretty sure the movie would fall apart without the volleyball.

  

            I said unapologetic homoeroticism earlier, and this would be a woefully incomplete exploration of Top Gun if it was to just breeze past that. A good place to start would be to look at all the scenes with sweaty dudes in them:

  

 

            I understand that it can be hot in Southern California or the Indian Ocean, but damn. Here are also some quotes I want to take completely out of context: “I want some butts”, “Hard deck my ass”, and “One of life’s simple joys is playing with the boys” (I’m not even going to touch the hard-on lines). Read those how you please. Slightly more substantial than out of context quotes is how the driver/RIO pairs behave more like couples than most actual couples. Look at them:

            They even dress to match:

            This is great stuff. I don’t know when homoeroticism became a word full of fear that movies are trying to change your sexual orientation, but I don’t see it that way. Where's the problem showing men in extra close relationships or excessive displays of manliness? It's one of the cultural distinctions that made the 1980’s so special. But like all things 80’s, I would be happy if it was still common today. Homoeroticism is like the other side of the coin that contained all those gratuitous topless scenes that were omnipresent in the decade (just not in Top Gun). Gratuitous nudity is another term that’s used to put down movies. I will admit that there are varying levels of gratuitous, but putting a topless person in your movie for no good reason isn’t a crime. It’s only appreciation of the human body, and I support it. One day I hope that homoerotism and gratuitous nudity will be used as terms of endearment, and not terms of shame.

  

It's okay for anyone to like this

            Also, those fighter planes were shot in a pretty arousing manner:

            That may have been a bit off topic, but I feel it needed to be said. But what about the big heterosexual relationship in the movie? Honestly, the Maverick-Charlie romance is my least favorite part of the movie. Except for the one in the airport bar, I don’t enjoy any of the scenes where they’re alone together all that much (I really don’t think I needed to see licking during the sex scene, but that paper airplane was nice). Their scenes just weren’t very relevant to the whole fighter pilot plot. Love interests are often woefully underdeveloped in this kind of movie (I struggle to describe Elisabeth Shue’s character from The Karate Kid as anything beyond “nice”), but I really would have liked something. For example, Maverick could have learned to appreciate Charlie’s knowledge of fighter planes and she could teach him something that would pay off later. They already set up a discussion of the MiG 28 and its flight limitations. I guess I can infer that she likes animals since she owns a dog and a parrot. She also had a PhD in Astrophysics, so shes smart, even if Aeronautical Engineering would have made more sense to me (I am a little biased towards engineers though). Romances just aren’t typically my favorite sub-plots, so I shouldn’t be too hard on this one. It wasn’t bad. I just feel it could have had more plot impact

            The Goose-Carole relationship is a whole other story. Like so much else, it'll have to wait until the Goose central essay finale.

More Duck Facts

Needs more duck facts.

1. Ducks have five stomachs and they can convert matter directly into energy.
2. When dropped in a vacuum, a duck feather will fall faster than a bowling ball.
3. Ducks have this thing called a cloaca that serves as an all-purpose orifice for their urinary tract, intestines, and reproductive organs. This isn’t all that special, but I think it’s neat. Also, they defecate and micturate at the same time in one semi-solid blob.
4. Duck sneezes are a powerful stimulant that can be dangerously habit forming. Be sure to call your doctor if symptoms persist more than four hours.
5. Ducks are terrible drivers.
6. The brain waves of a duck are mathematically perfect.
7. A lone duck singlehandedly held off over 500 men at the battle of the Daisy Park Bridge.
8. They can smell if you’re not having fun.
9. Jeff Goldblum is friends with several ducks.
10. Ducks exist across six spatial dimensions. 
11. According to classical mechanics, duck flight shouldn’t be possible. It only occurs due to the cumulative effects of quantum tunneling. 
12. I’ve seen a duck punch through a concrete wall.
13. Duck bills are a 14 on the Mohs Hardness Scale.
14. That creaking sound that you hear at night; that’s a duck in your walls. It’s checking for bad wiring, because only ducks can prevent house fires.
15. Duck feathers are a fractal pattern down to the atomic level, and have near infinite surface area.
16. Nervous tissue from ducks is a room temperature superconductor.
17. Ducks are allergic to ska music.
18. The morality of ducks is based around if actions will make someone smile.
19. The nose that fell off the sphinx was actually a duck bill.
20. The universe only exists within the mind of a duck.
21. Life started on Earth when a duck traveled back in time and pooped in the primordial ooze. We evolved from duck poop is what I’m saying. Also, the duck came first, not the egg.
22. The English unit, foot, is actually based on the Welsh word for duck, “fwtl” (also the origin of the word “fowl”), and not the anatomical feature. The distance was originally based on the length of a prototype duck, which is mummified and kept in the basement of the Tower of London. Now it’s based on how far light travels within a specific fraction of a second, which is lame.
23. Your dragon style is no match for my duck style kung fu.

Another Ten (Twelve) Music Videos

            I’m doing another list of music videos because I just really like music videos and found more that should have been on my original list. I like some of these videos more than previously ranked ones, so I’m going to Dewey Decimal them into the old numbering.

1.5  Harden My Heart – Quarterflash

            I’m really ashamed that I missed this one on the first list. This is one of the most dream-like videos that I’ve ever seen. I just wish that my dreams were this good. Rindy Ross in a unitard, 80’s Peter Dinklage, running into younger versions of yourself, and saxophone solos (also featuring Rindy); what I wouldn’t give for a dream with any one of those. Don’t forget dudes in tuxedoes on dirt bikes and an ending where a bull dozer knocks over the set and then someone (also in a tux) lights it on fire with a flame thrower. This is probably the greatest thing that has ever been accomplished in a gravel pit.

2.5  Parking Lot Nights – Ghosthustler

            A Power Glove wearing misanthrope physically assaults people in a parking lot after dark. Beyond the Power Glove it has a lot of other nice 80’s touches; VHS quality, a NES set up on an 80’s TV, breakdancing, lasers, and great music. A hidden gem to be sure.

4.5  Music Is My Radar – Blur

            Synchronized dancing by people dressed to look kind of like robots (body suits and bike helmets) while everyone else doesn’t react to it. The dancing is just hypnotic and great. British talk shows look boring during the not commercial break parts. I like other Blur videos, but this is my favorite

6.5  Taking This Town – Icehouse

            I’ll just start out by saying that I prefer Iva Davies without the mullet. My favorite part of the video is probably the crazy dudes in the colored outfits riding motorcycles through whitewashed ruins, but the crowd rushing out to jam in front of the stage and the painted guys in underwear dancing on the scaffolding were good touches as well. This was the golden age of male homoeroticism right here. Featuring the Fairlight CMI is a nice 80’s touch.

7.5  Take on Me – A-ha

            I was tempted not to do this one because it’s just too obvious, but I think it still deserves recognition. The whole pencil sketches that come to life are great but there’s more than just that. There’s evil Fins, a romance story, cuts to Norwegians playing instruments, and an ending that might be ripping off Altered States.

12.5  Love is a Battlefield – Pat Benatar

            Pat is just such a rebel. She leaves home to strike out on her own on the mean street of City I Don’t Recognize, but when some sleazy dude is bothering a girl in a bar, she and all the other punked out chicks unite and intimidate him with some choreographed dancing (I would be freaked out too if a bunch of women spontaneously started doing that chest shake move at me). When he tries to dance back she throws a drink in his face and then all the chicks dance out of the bar and into the sunrise.

14.3  What Is Love – Haddaway

            Haddaway is being chased around a haunted mansion by some scantily clad, club dancing vampires. It has some decently cool backwards effects and snap zooms into people’s crotches. It’s got something for everyone!

14.7  Playing With the Boys – Kenny Loggins

            This one is special because I actually like two videos for this song. The official one is about a “battle of the sexs” volleyball game. It has lots of high fives, 80’s chicks, an underdog victory from behind, and Kenny Loggins jumping into frame to sing directly into the camera. It's pretty much an entire 80's sports movie in under five minutes. It's easy to read in all the necessary character; the main character who is basically perfect in every way but has confidence issues (red, white, and blue girl), her wise cracking best friend (pink and white), the one with unrestrained sexuality as a primary trait (blonde hair, white top), a quirky foreigner (dark blue top and pony tail, who I read as Swedish), a single black character (black girl), and the duchy/date-rapey bully (guy who does finger pistols). The other video I like is just a series of Top Gun clips, which is hard to beat. You could play any song with scenes from Top Gun and I would like it, but Kenny just takes it over the top. It’s true that “one of life’s simple joys is Playing with the Boys”.

15.5  Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!

            Never has the mood of a video matched the song so perfectly. It’s basically the most cheerful thing ever, and that’s even before everyone gets into pastel clothes (which is before the black light scene!). The audience of young women ogling George Michael in his short shorts makes me feel kind of bad for George, but he’s just so happy in the video that this soon passes.

17.3  Physical – Olivia Newton-John

            It got classy 80’s fitness stuff to start out. Then Olivia antagonizes some fat dudes, but when she takes a shower they got really fit. Plot twist when the guys are so fit that they get turned on by each other and they forget about her. She end up playing tennis with another fat guy, so a happy ending I guess. Olivia just oozing sex the whole time is a plus too.

17.7  Ballad of Bilbo Baggins – Leonard Nemoy

            Words fail to describe, so you should probably just watch it. I will say that Leonard Nemoy can add dignity to literally anything. This song is set for a comeback with the new movies and all.

19.  Don’t Look Back – Fine Young Cannibals

            This is the epitome of an 80’s music video for me. I just imagine someone learning the new art of video effects, finding some stuff that looks cools, and making a music video out. The technology was so new that they had no choice but to be original. The video is basically just the band performing the song, but with some well used blurs, smudges, and flashing images they make something that’s fun to watch.

If anything is to be learned by this list it’s that I really love the 80’s, appreciate the 90’s, think the greatest thing you can do in a music video is have the vocalist jump into frame and sing directly into the camera, and enjoy videos with more creativity than budget. I cooled it a bit with the links on this one (I got a little carried away last time).

Favorite Band = Foreigner

            This British/American (hence the name) Arena Rock Super Group has been my favorite band ever since I was 16 and actually started to care about music (due to the fact that I needed something to listen to while driving). I “borrowed” five Foreigner tapes from a friend, and proceeded to play those tapes until they would play no more. Foreigner just has so many great songs, but the strange thing is that few people (of my age at least) can recognize the band by name. Similar bands like Journey, Styx, and Queen seem to be much more widely known, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s this semi-exclusive quality that I like about them, but anybody who has listened to classic rock radio should recognize at least a half dozen of their songs. It’s the songs that are what I really love about this band. I know virtually nothing about this band outside their music (maybe a low profile lifestyle is why this band isn’t recognized), and I really don’t care to. The songs are what I love so the songs are what I will talk about. In the order in which they appear in the discography, here are discussions of my favorite Foreigner songs:

The Self-Titled Album

Feels Like The First Time – The aptly named first song of their first album. In my opinion, a mandatory opener for any Foreigner compilation tape. Nothing amazing in the lyrics department (most just repetitions on a theme), but Lou Gramm is really belting it out in this one. Off to a good start, let’s continue.

Cold As Ice – Now we’re talking. The piano part is so simple yet so charming. This song is a good example of how well structured many Foreigner song are. The song is simply a Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Bridge with the ending basically just Cold as Ice being repeated as a round with some nice background vocals. It’s nothing fancy, but it works. The lyrics even come in within the first ten seconds, and I appreciate a song that gets right down to business.

Starrider – Definitely one of their dorkier songs, but I’m a sucker for a sci-fi theme. Based on a true story of when the band was abducted by aliens (the same thing happened to Styx). The crescendoing “speed increasing, all control is in the hands of those who know” chorus is my favorite part of the song.

Headknocker – This one has a bit of southern-rock flavor to it with a theme about a bad-ass guitar playing, back seat mauler, bar room brawler. This dude has a ’57 coupe (only rhymes with the American pronunciation), walks with a stoop, and swears James Dean isn’t dead. The warnings not to mess with this guy and his threatened violences escalate as the song progresses, which is a nice touch.

Long, Long Way From Home – An up pace, somewhat confrontational song. I enjoy the songs were they work in a saxophone since a sax solo can wail just as hard as anything, if not harder (it is probably the hardest rocking instrument that you need to blow into). The “I’m looking out for the two of us” line is delivered as only Lou could do it, and is my favorite part of this one.

I Need You – Starts with an amazing slow build up, and I thoroughly enjoy all the instrumentation in this song. There are times when I don’t even know how many instruments are playing, but I know that I like it. This is true super group material, and everybody is bringing their A-game to this one.

The Sophomore Album

Hot Blooded – I really like how they jump right into the chorus 15 seconds into the song. This is my ultimate pick up song, and I don’t even live a pick up lifestyle. There are some legendary rhymes in this song with stuff like you-rendezvous-do-who, but the whole thing is nearly ruined for me by the fact that the first verse matches mind with mind. You guys can do better than that! Here, how about this: “You don’t have to read my mind, Baby it ain’t hard to find, honey you ought to know.” Was that so complicated? They also rhyme sign with sign later in the song, but it works due to the pleading nature of the lyrics, so I’ll let it slide. In the end, when they change up the third chorus to say “burning inside of me” instead of “one hundred and three” I totally forgive any bad rhymes. This song even got reference in Dinosaur Comics, so you know it must be good.

Love Has Taken Its Toll – A like a song that tells a story. This is a plain story about a man winning over a woman who wanted nothing to do with him. You can’t really fit much narrative into a three and a half minute song, but this one does a good enough job for me. She kind of jumps right from backhanding him to pleading him (nearly), but they do drop a “to make a long story short” in there, and that sax solo could melt any women’s heart.

Double Vision – A song about parting hard and getting mentally befuddled. The weird thing is that the tone is neither hard nor fast like you would expect of a song about partying hard and living fast. It’s really a fairly smooth and mellifluous song, and comes across as a praise of the phenomenon of double vision rather than any causes of such phenomena. It’s strange, but I like it. The line “my mind is racing, but my body’s in the lead” is my favorite part.

Who's been writing song titles on this stall, and what is this women doing in the men's bathroom?

Dirty White Boy – The classic tale of a lower class boy getting together with an upper class girl told in song form. This theme shows up everywhere; from Billy Joel songs, to Star Wars, to Super Mario Brothers. None of them coin such a stupendous term as Dirty White Boy though, and I also get a hint of a dominant/submissive aspect to this relationship (“you want me to be cruel to ya”), which is something.

Love on the Telephone – An angry song for a nice change of pace. This one is the story of a relationship falling apart over a long distance. Plenty of phone references to be found that aren’t applicable to today’s world, but I still enjoy when he threatens to tear a phone out of the wall (to an operator no less). One of a few Foreigner songs where days of the week appear in the lyrics, but they are so easy to rhyme with that I guess it’s not super surprising.

Women – This is kind of a silly song that just throws out a bunch of different kinds of women (from those “behind bars” to “in limousines”). That’s all it is; no story, no chorus; just... women. The word “women” is used 35 times in this song, which is an average of once every 5.83 seconds. Another rhyme fest, which is something I like, and I don’t know what is going on with the guitar in this song, but I know I like it.

I’ll Get Even With You – Revenge is this song’s theme. The lyrics are mostly descriptions of the negative impacts on the singer, and his assurance of getting even. I like how the target of this revenge is never describe, and the nature of the offence is left vague as well. It could be about anything and anyone and I appreciate how it’s so widely applicable.

Head Games – A person can only take so much psychological warfare in a relationship. You can’t always solve a problem by talking and some people are just bound to fight. Interpersonal relationships are hard, and leaving can be the only good option left.

Rev on the Red Line – Hints of illegal street racing before it was cool. This song was way ahead of its time. It discusses a love a cars, women who love the best times (as in track times), high speed chases, and paying off court officials. I think that pretty much covers it.

My favorite album of the bunch

Night Life – Another song about partying, but with a lively mood this time. This song glorifies all things nocturnal, and refers to the day only with disdain. The life of the night is complete with everything from neon and noise, night owls, and girls “never doing what they oughta.” I have no desire to live this life for myself, but I do enjoy the occasional song about it.

Juke Box Hero – A coming of age tale about a boy who goes from listening to concerts from the rainy alley outside, to a rock legend. A tale about the power of one guitar. A tale about struggling to get on top, and struggling to stay there. A tale about stars being in people’s eyes. This song just rocks so friggin’ hard that I can’t help but feel good when I listen to it. This is early 80’s rock at its finest.

Urgent – Some love songs just don’t have any room for romance. A body has needs, and these needs can get Urgent. When two people can satisfy these needs for each other it’s something worth singing about. Another great saxophone song, and there is also some synthesizer work by Thomas Dolby, which is always excellent.

I’m Gonna Win – The greatest tragedy of the 1980’s what that this song never made it into a montage. This song oozes that 80’s motivational charm. The grim determination towards winning just makes me feel capable of anything (“I want to taste it while its hot”). Even the instrumental in the song reeks of the will to succeed. This is my favorite Foreigner song due to these stimulating qualities, and a good song to end on.

            After their first four albums I haven’t found any Foreigner songs that I really love. They still have some pretty good music there, but it just isn’t at the same level for me. All the non-Lou Gramm stuff I just don’t have any interest in. One disappointing thing about Foreigner is that they never really figured out music videos. Maybe this is why they aren’t well known by my generation (I also don’t judge them to be the most attractive musicians of the era). It isn't hard to find a radio station that doesn't play at least a few of their songs, so they aren't that obscure. My old tapes have now been replaced by CD's and it is only a matter of time until those will be worn away by use as well.

Top Ten (Eighteen) Music Videos

1.  Separate Ways by Journey – Without a doubt, my favorite music video of all time. Features include; singing directly into camera, head snaps into camera changes, talented musician doing terrible air instruments (come on Jonathan, you can air keyboard better than that), industrial waterfront setting, badass aloof 80’s chick (with an “80’s wave” hairstyle which is my favorite thing since the ponytail with bangs), slow motion sequence, and an “it was all a dream” ending. 2:30 is the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life.

2.  Beat It by Michael Jackson – It’s like West Side Story meets The Warriors. Michael ends gang violence (and the craziest knife fight ever) while wearing some really dorky t-shirts (sweet red leather jacket though). Just my favorite of many great Michael Jackson videos.

3.  We’re Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister – Dee Snider defending teenage independence and multiple defenestrations, what more do you need (that dude from Animal House doesn’t hurt). Rightfully one of the most revered music videos of the 80’s. Kids morphing into members of Twisted Sister is always excellent.

4.  Don’t Let’s Start by They Might Be Giants – Monochrome, crazy dancing, William Allen White heads, and fast-motion filming (the lip syncing is amazing). There is also an accordion explosion at one point. Another favorite among many great videos.

5.  Radar Love by Golden Earring  - A Reliant Robin is the best vehicle for high speed chases ever. Men seducing female cops to get out of a ticket is also super slick. I have a fondness for videos that tell a story that is completely unrelated to the song.

6.  Telephone by Sheena Easton – Speaking of unrelated to the song. I have no idea why Sheena is in a haunted house full of classic movie monsters, but I like it. Sheena is sexy when she is angry (well, more sexy).

7.  I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness – British glam rock for the Naughties. It’s got space ships, space monsters, a wall or amps, and rocking so hard that you shoot lightning. It’s also got a lot of Justin Hawkins skin (a lot).

8.  Diamond Smiles by Boomtown Rats – A negative look at superficial social life. Visually I like both the white set and Bob on a checkered floor in a checkered shirt. Why does Jonnie Fingers always play the piano lying down?

9.  Family Man by Hall and Oates – Hall and Oates are so stupendous that they turn a boring family of six into exciting Hall and Oates clones, the band is attacked by some ravenous children, and the ending is weirdly ominous. I just love Oates’ guitar playing dance.

10.  Chemistry by Semisonic – It is a music video version of one of those romantic comedies with the big ensemble cast full of various personality types. There is also some Rube Goldburg machine stuff going on. Semisonic generally had well filmed music videos.

11.  No Way but the Hard Way by Airbourne – Australian pub rock with modern music videos is a definite win-win. The video premise is that Airboure is so hardcore that they trash the offices of a record label, and then proceed to play music on the roof (probably based on a true story).  I really enjoy the reactions of the office staff.

12.  Wild Boys by Duran Duran – It’s like if Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and Barbarella had a baby and it was a musical. It was also a mutant, and it was also great.

13.  One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head – Murray in the seedy chess playing underbelly of Bangkok. Very related to the story of the song without being lame literal storyboards of the lyrics, and since I love the story of this song, that’s excellent.

14.  Sledge Hammer by Peter Gabriel – It starts with an egg being fertilized, which is basically how every video should start. Then Peter gives a display of facial dexterity before a very impressive stop motion animation video.

15.  Rosanna by Toto – Toto is having a jam session in the streets when all of a sudden Cynthia Rhodes shows up and starts Dirty Dancing. Then Patrick Swayze gets into a West Side Story style gang fight (apparently I have a thing for West Side Story style gang fights in videos). Cynthia teasing the guys on the other side of the fence is pretty legendary.

16.  Got My Mind Set on You by George Harrison – This song is so catchy that every object in the room starts dancing along. Just a really simple but charming video. The really bad doubling is also a plus in my book. I definitely like it more that this version (I hesitate to support videos that are carried solely by the sex appeal of someone who is not in the band, and the previous video doesn't count because it was topical with the song, or something).

17.  Sandstorm by Darude – It is like some talented college students made an amateur cyberpunk movie. The plot doesn’t really make any sense, the acting is janky, and the budget shows, but it has style. Really it’s all about the clean, bright, cyberpunky style for me. At least it didn’t go this route (way to keep it classy techno).


18.  All the Things She Said by t.A.T.u. – Wet Russian Schoolgirls Kissing. Yep.

Authors Note: 59 link in one post is probably a new personal record. Most of them seemed useful though (although I shudder to think of someone who doesn't know Animal House), and I learned how to link to a specific time in a YouTube video, so that's neat.

The Greatest Song that Exists for Me in this Universe

                My favorite song is unashamedly “One Night in Bangkok” by the most talented Murray Head, which was released in 1984 (four years before I was born). On a historic note, the song was composed as a part of the musical Chess. It was written by the guys from ABBA (named Björn and Benny in the great Scandinavian naming tradition), and Tim Rice, who is apparently a big deal in musicals. But the history isn’t why I like this song. It is hard to quantify all of the reasons I love this song, but I will do my best.

                First off, is my incalculable love of 80’s music. The 80’s seemed to be a time of rampant creativity in music among other things. The new tools available to musicians, such as synthesizers and music videos were being explored and experimented with to great effect at the time. Musicians weren’t afraid to be different, and there was no formula to what made a hit song. The songs are typically so packed to the gills with intensity that I can’t resist getting into the mood of the music. 80’s musical also has the super convenient feature that all of the bad music has been filtered out in the intervening years, and only the very best samples still circulate today (not to say that there aren’t plenty of good songs that don’t get radio time). To be completely honest I may also like 80’s music, and 80’s culture in general, because of some subconscious desire to be different and shun popular culture of my own time. Clinging to the culture of the past is an easy way to do that, but I’m not a psychologist so this is only speculation (like my self-diagnosed case of Asperger’s). Not only does this song fall into my favorite genre of music, it is also in a couple of my favorite sub-genres.

Murray is having none of it

                One Hit Wonders have a very special place in my heart. The fact that a song is a band’s only hit typically ensures that it is high quality. Many mediocre songs have become hits just based on the artist’s reputation (I’m looking at you “Say Say Say”). For a song to come out of nowhere and become popular across the world means that it has to be something special. “One Night in Bangkok” is just such a wonder.¹ Even I will admit that I don’t like any of Murray Head’s other songs, but that just makes “One Night in Bangkok” even more amazing. Many bands that are called One Hit Wonders had other popular songs (see Two Tribes, or I Wanna Rock), but they just happened not to hit the American Top 40, so they aren’t technically hits. “One Night in Bangkok” is fairly stylistically different from anything else that Murray Head did, so it's like he condensed all of his raunchy 80’s goodness into one song and got solid gold. To specialize even further, my favorite One Hit Wonders are the ones from European artist. Thomas Dolby, The Boomtown Rats, and Nena are all among my favorite musicians, all of them European One Hit Wonders (the Nena thing is probably due to the fact that I have a huge crush on Nena herself, possibly even more than I like Sheena Easton). Murray Head just happens to have being British going for him, which is nice. If you reduce my favorite music down as far as you can go, you will get “One Night in Bangkok.” In other words, it is my atomic favorite song.

Nena: still being sexy to this day

                I don’t just like “One Night in Bangkok” because it is the single best representative of what kind of music I like. The song itself is also an excellent analogy for my whole life. The song tells the story of an American Chess player who finds himself at a world class chess match taking place in Bangkok, Thailand. The American continuously states that he's only interested in chess, while a chorus repeatedly describes the pleasures of Bangkok that he's missing out on. This parallels my life story in the aspect that I prefer to follow intellectual pursuits, while seemingly everyone around me pushes the importance of physical pleasures. My chess game just happens to be activities like reading about philosophy or playing video games at home, and my Bangkok is the much humbler night life of South Dakota. It may just be the common plight of the nerdy introvert, but this song really speaks to me. When I hear the American’s annoyed tone at having to explain why he's happy with what he's doing, I know exactly how he feels. The whole song can be summed up in my favorite line, “I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.” I will quote that line at the drop of a hat, since it expresses my lifestyle perfectly, and has a much better ring to it than “I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t like casual sex, but I do like science fiction novels.” The song also has other great lines and great rhymes. Other favorites are “This grips me more than would a; muddy old river or Reclining Buddha” or “I’d let you watch, I would invite you; but the queens we use would not excite you.” There are also an epic intro buildup, some good Thailand puns, and Murray’s American accent is entertaining all by itself. Basically, what is not to love about this song? I rate it a Chess King.

[1]          Authors Note: While doing research for this post I found out the Murray Head another hit song with “Superstar”, from Jesus Christ Superstar, that made it to #14 in the U.S. in 1971. That was way back in the 70’s though, so I’m still willing to call “One Night in Bangkok” a One Hit Wonder within the boundary of the 1980’s.