Two Weeks Unnotice

            So I’ve decided to unquit my job. My quarter life crisis is winding down and it looks like I’m going to end up at the same place I started out.

Everything I’ve tried after quitting my job hasn’t turned out as expected. Writing didn’t work, because the stuff I’m motivated to write isn’t stuff anybody would want to read (like my dreams). I still enjoy writing, and I still want to do it. I just don’t expect it to be profitable in any monetary way. Drawing a comic didn’t go well, because I’m not a skilled artist, and I don’t have the drive to become one. Ideally, I would like to continue my comic too, but it just takes so much more time than writing, and I end up with a product that I’m never completely happy with. My comics is indefinitely on hold until I can find a better way to do them. Doing nothing was actually the worst thing I tried. The mix of guilt, ennui, and inner turmoil made it one of the most stressful periods in my life. I don’t know when I picked up the idea that any unproductive free time was something to feel bad about, but it really messes me up. My current alternate career move was to study physics, and it hasn’t turned out like I’d hoped either.

I really just wanted physics to be engineering with more math. It turns out that science and engineering have completely different way of doing things, and I shouldn’t have been surprised by this. Science seems to be about answering questions, and is concerned with the truth. Engineering looks to solve problems, and is interested in what’s functional. Personally, I have a hard time finding interest in truth, since I don’t really believe it exists. Function, on the other hand, is something I always get excited about. In the end, I care more about how things can be useful or how I can improve them, and I don’t much bother with why or how things do what they do. In school I'm taking science and engineering courses side by side. This has made me realize that I’m not cut out for science, but I've fallen back in love with engineering

What led me to engineering originally was a desire to improve the world around me. I went with civil engineering because I get more of a feeling of accomplishment from having big concrete (or steel) examples of the projects I’ve worked on. It’s hard to beat being able to watch a new road, bridge, sewer, earthwork, or building take shape. Standing back when it’s finished knowing that you had a hand in creating it. Knowing that it was improved by your involvement. It’s also fun being able to congratulate everyone on another fine erection. Subjectivity can take all the fun out of scientific discovery, but even I can’t doubt ten miles of pavement or a few thousand yards or earthwork. Civil engineering also has great puns.

During the time I spent away from engineering, all the reasons I had for quitting my job have faded away. All the motives I had for becoming an engineering in the first place have come back. Some of them stronger than ever. Since the scars have healed, I’m going to take down my old two weeks notice post. I just want to move on from all that shit. I learned a lot in the last year and a half, but the most important thing is that I got question of what I should do with my life right the first time.