My History with Women - Part Three (Slow Times at Campbell County High)

                High school continues. I am now equipped with a misunderstanding about how attractive women find me and a desire to gain as much dating experience as possible. I still have bad facial hair, and still have no understanding of how to behave around girls. Self-embarrassment ahoy!

                Seventeen was a busy year with two more attempts at dating (I guess all those rock songs were right). The first victim of my spastic advances was WAY out of my league. She was a star on the track and cross country teams, in the advances math class, attractive, and nice, to list just a few of her virtues. We were friendly in school (not flirty though, since I’m not sure if I actually can flirt), and we used to do stuff like play cards in math class, so I think I had semi-decent groundwork set up this time. She was one of the first girls that I recruited for my co-ed softball team, which was basically just a giant scheme to get me a girlfriend, with softball being a fringe benefit (I somehow got enough girls to fill half a softball team, even if many of them skipped games fairly often and we were constantly having problems with getting enough girls to play. The girl I liked had a good attendance record however). I had told some friends that I wanted to ask her out so I had some peer pressure pushing me to make a move, which didn't really help me be relaxed about it. I cornered her after one of our softball games and popped the question “Hey, would you like to go out with me sometime?”. She responded with “You mean as friends?”.  My composure shattered like sugar glass, and I lied “Yes”. She ended up giving me her phone number, and I used it to torture her with a few awkward hang outs over the summer. Not my finest hour. I later learned that she knew that I didn’t intend my proposal to be friendly, but I appreciate it that she rejected me in a gentle fashion, although if she would have been mean about it maybe I could have gotten over her better.

Who wouldn't want to date this guy?

                 Before junior prom I got a little desperate and decided to ask a girl that I didn’t even really like if she would go with me. Since I was still feeling the sting of the previous rejection, I went for what I thought was an easy target. I also tried to determine her feelings before putting myself on the line. This didn’t really turn out well, as my intended intermediary failed to understand my desire for subtlety, and ended up just straight asking her for me. She already had a date, so it was all just a waste of time.

                After that year I became a senior, and had the cocky attitude to go with it. I joined an art class from the purpose of picking up chicks (it was actually so I could graduate with honors, but the chicks angle sounds less lame). There was a nice petite girl in my class who was what I later learned to be emo (it was still a new thing at the time). She had bangs in front of one eye and a red streak in her hair anyway. I was actually able to do what might have been decent flirting, which was mostly due to the fact that we both had friends in the class so it was really just group banter. One of my friends happened to be dating one of her friends (not the same people as the ones in the class), so I thought I had a chance. She already had a boyfriend who wore the same pants as her though, so nothing happened.

                I also did some good (for me) flirting with a girl in my gym class (I consider ironic trash talk and cocky behavior while playing sports to be flirting, even if it's never got a very positive response from girls). I blew any shot that I probably didn’t had with two smooth moves. First, I nearly hit her in the face while spiking a volleyball and was then cocksure about it. She got mad, because you have to protect the moneymaker. Next, I hit her with a racial joke that I don’t think she appreciated.  While walking to the soccer fields someone said “What do soccer and Mexicans have in common?” (she was Mexican). I blurted “Neither one belongs in this country!”, which I still think was clever, but it was also not very sensitive. I followed my quip with an immediate Ohh… as I realize that I had just erred. Both of the previous two girls were sophomore, which I’m not proud of, but I needed every advantage that I could get.

These were my sweet wheels in high school, also my cousin shooting a shotgun

                Towards the end of senior year a girl told me that she would go to the prom with me, but at that point I didn’t really think that starting a relationship would be worth it, knowing the slow pace that I work at. Proms aren’t really my scene anyway. I was feeling a bit defeatist at this point. She was really nice though, and I would tease her about having a brain tumor because she got hiccupping fits. She also complimented me on my speech about digging holes that I gave in English class, which I appreciated. To be honest I just didn’t feel that she was smart enough for me, and I’m not certain if that is a legitimate reason to rebuff her.

                Thus high school came and went, yet my total virginity remained. Next time will take us through college and up to the present.