A poem to ducks
Master of the Air,
Land, and Sea
Nothing can break the
bond that links us
Won’t you stay awhile
and quack to me
In case the poem didn’t make it
clear, let me say that I love ducks. There is no animal
that is nobler, more dignified, or more ironic. If you doubt the amazing
respect that ducks receive there is something you should try. Next time you are
in a crowded area, meet a stranger on the street, or have a lull in a conversation,
try yelling a simple “DUCK.” I guarantee that you will get a more impressive
reaction than you would from the name of any other animal. They’re just so that great.
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| Majestic, Marvelous, Magnificent |
Ducks are a beautiful
animal. With their sleek body streamlined for movement through air and water,
their shapely head and neck, and their pleasingly shaped bill, they are a
marvelous thing to behold (there are probably some golden ratios in
there or something). Their plumage is also attractive, from the striking green
of the drake mallard’s head to the pure white of the domestic duck. The
appearance of ducklings is so admired that it is used as a standard for
judging the appearance of other young birds. Not that such fables make any
sense, since the duck has all the grace or swans or geese without the ungainly
long neck or ill temper (a gøøse once bit my sister…). I vote top one for
beautiful animals.
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| Awwww, just look at those adorable little wings |
To avoid being
shallow, I will explain why I also love ducks for their brains. Ducks convey an
amazing sense of humor. Take the quack for instance. Is any other animal
call so laden with notes of good natured humor? It often sounds so much like
laughing that it is hard not to join in. Naturally curious and friendly, ducks
are very easy to get along with (especially if you have some bread on you).
They are great pets since they are easy to take care of and are more trainable
than most cats. Ducklings also imprint on the first large creature they see
after hatching, so a duck can be more of a family member than any silly
mammalian pet. They may try to fly away occasionally, but that is only due to
their incredible ability to migrate thousands of miles. Ducks love travel.
There they are, hanging out in Alberta for the summer when all of a sudden they
wonder what’s going on down at the Gulf of Mexico. Next thing you know they are
off with all their buddies on a crazy adventure, but don’t worry, they will be
back again for spring break next year (Canada is the place to go for spring
break). Ducks are also better at monogamous relationships
than many humans, and are loving parents. Moreover, ducks are good at hockey, have strong political opinions, care about your insurance
needs, love adventure (also rock music?), and also whatever this guy does. They’ve got a lot going for them.
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| Flying, swimming, and bipedal walking, what can't they do? |
If you’re not
impressed by the stupendous nature of my most un-fowl friends, I will leave you
with some 100% true facts about ducks (feel free to cite me on these).
- The fourth most intelligent animal, behind humans, dolphins, and orangutans.
- Can pack enough venom into one bite to kill 20 men. They just choose not to.
- The direct evolutionary descendant of the Diplodocus.
- Were trained to replace Carrier Pigeons in World War I, but they kept delivering messages to the enemy because they thought it was funny.
- Have 50 different words for “fun to poop on.”
- Can see in the X-ray spectrum.
- Have a foul tasting meat that causes severe stomach cramps (should not be eaten).
- Have been clocked in excess of 70 mph, swimming.
- Immune to all know forms of disease or virus.
- Actually responsible for all of Shakespeare’s plays.
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