More Duck Facts

Needs more duck facts.

1. Ducks have five stomachs and they can convert matter directly into energy.
2. When dropped in a vacuum, a duck feather will fall faster than a bowling ball.
3. Ducks have this thing called a cloaca that serves as an all-purpose orifice for their urinary tract, intestines, and reproductive organs. This isn’t all that special, but I think it’s neat. Also, they defecate and micturate at the same time in one semi-solid blob.
4. Duck sneezes are a powerful stimulant that can be dangerously habit forming. Be sure to call your doctor if symptoms persist more than four hours.
5. Ducks are terrible drivers.
6. The brain waves of a duck are mathematically perfect.
7. A lone duck singlehandedly held off over 500 men at the battle of the Daisy Park Bridge.
8. They can smell if you’re not having fun.
9. Jeff Goldblum is friends with several ducks.
10. Ducks exist across six spatial dimensions. 
11. According to classical mechanics, duck flight shouldn’t be possible. It only occurs due to the cumulative effects of quantum tunneling. 
12. I’ve seen a duck punch through a concrete wall.
13. Duck bills are a 14 on the Mohs Hardness Scale.
14. That creaking sound that you hear at night; that’s a duck in your walls. It’s checking for bad wiring, because only ducks can prevent house fires.
15. Duck feathers are a fractal pattern down to the atomic level, and have near infinite surface area.
16. Nervous tissue from ducks is a room temperature superconductor.
17. Ducks are allergic to ska music.
18. The morality of ducks is based around if actions will make someone smile.
19. The nose that fell off the sphinx was actually a duck bill.
20. The universe only exists within the mind of a duck.
21. Life started on Earth when a duck traveled back in time and pooped in the primordial ooze. We evolved from duck poop is what I’m saying. Also, the duck came first, not the egg.
22. The English unit, foot, is actually based on the Welsh word for duck, “fwtl” (also the origin of the word “fowl”), and not the anatomical feature. The distance was originally based on the length of a prototype duck, which is mummified and kept in the basement of the Tower of London. Now it’s based on how far light travels within a specific fraction of a second, which is lame.
23. Your dragon style is no match for my duck style kung fu.

Work Pictures

So, I took a lot of pictures last year that I think are pretty alright. I want to share them, and the easiest way to do that would be to just have a few picture dump posts.

I’ll start off with some pictures I took while working. A camera is useful for documenting what is going on while surveying or observing construction, so I always carry one. It’s nice to have pictures that show where you were and what was going on. Plus, if the project makes it into the company newsletter you need some nice pictures to go with the article. I think I ended up with some decent project shots:

This is a Right of Way stake

A scoria pit that I helped survey

An old railroad tunnel

One of the more action packed moments of culvert installation

There are also plenty of non-work related pictures. I covered a good portion of western North Dakota over the summer, and I’d take landscape pictures whenever the scenery caught my eye:

  

Yeah, they’re just backlit trees in a cow pasture 

A canola field

  

Fields of flax

       

            No sunset pictures this trip. There are also the non-landscape features of North Dakota. Surprise, they're related to oil:

A common sight

You can generally see a couple of gas flares no matter where you’re at

The thing I always got the most excited about was wildlife photos. Maybe I just think that getting a picture of something that's alive takes more skill:

A dragonfly that landed on my passenger seat

An enormous fly

A Flickertail Gopher 

 

Cows!

Leopard Frog

A salamander I found hiking though the road ditch

Who would I be if I didn’t hunt down some waterfowl?

This is technically just a fresh water diving bird, but I’ll take it

And a bunch of lovely ducks

 

I even found some duck eggs

            I also took some picture to document the state of my life on the road. Pictures to capture the essence of what was important and what parts of life became inconsequential:

  

All I kept in my fridge was beef jerky and dill pickles

These are right of way peas, and they were a major part of my diet

Here is the other half of my diet

Here is my face after a day of surveying

 

Road Beard

My take of hotel toiletries for the summer

            I had a good time working over the summer, and not just because of all the pictures. There were boring or tedious moments, as with any job, but give me a camera and I’ll find something interesting (a book, and mp3 player full of podcasts also help). I also like to take pictures in my free time, especially while diving. Up next is shots I took while snorkeling.

Duck Facts

            It’s been I while since I’ve written anything, but what better way to come back than with more Duck Facts! Let’s just say that I have spent this hiatus in tireless research so that I could share these new and amazing facts about the universe’s greatest animal. Here they are:

1. A duck’s strength is proportional, by volume, to 42 Arnold Schwarzeneggers.
2. Duck webs are stronger and lighter than carbon nanotubes.
3. The pyramids were built by ducks.
4. Ground duck horn cures impotence, and also cancer.
5. In ancient Assyria the duck was a symbol of virtue.
6. Ducks are invisible to radar.
7. If you combine duck poop and diesel fuel you get napalm.
8. Cows with perfect karma are reincarnated as ducks.
9. The preening oil produced by a duck’s uropygial gland is waterproof, fireproof, blocks 99.99% of UVA and UVB rays, and smells like lilacs.
10. Ducks have 12 lives.
11. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle applies to ducks on a macroscopic level.
12. If you stare into a duck’s eyes you can see the meaning of life.
13. There is no word in the Finnish language that rhymes with duck.
14. Humans share 102% or our DNA with ducks (they have all of ours, plus some).
15. If a woman weighs the same as a duck she’s a witch (ducks also reverse newtification)
16. In Soviet Russia, ducks hunt you.
17. I would never lie about ducks.
18. Duck tears reverse aging.
19. Male ducks have a corkscrew shaped penis that can be up to 25% of the length of their bodies and is capable of explosive erections.
20. Ducks can survive indefinitely in vacuum and can withstand temperatures ranging from 6 to 1282 Rankine.
21. Some West African ducks have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment.
22. If a fox mates with a duck it produces a red furred flying mammal. It’s called a dox (nobody knows what it sounds like). If a dox breed with a ram it will give birth to a large wooly flying mammal, with horns. It’s called a rox. If a rox and a salamander have sex the baby is giant red flying lizard with horns that breathes fire. It’s called a shit.

Who's laughing now?

Be Kind to Your Web-Footed Friends

                A poem to ducks

Oh, Anas Platyrhynchos

Master of the Air, Land, and Sea

Nothing can break the bond that links us

Won’t you stay awhile and quack to me

                In case the poem didn’t make it clear, let me say that I love ducks. There is no animal that is nobler, more dignified, or more ironic. If you doubt the amazing respect that ducks receive there is something you should try. Next time you are in a crowded area, meet a stranger on the street, or have a lull in a conversation, try yelling a simple “DUCK.” I guarantee that you will get a more impressive reaction than you would from the name of any other animal. They’re just so that great.

Majestic, Marvelous, Magnificent

            Ducks are a beautiful animal. With their sleek body streamlined for movement through air and water, their shapely head and neck, and their pleasingly shaped bill, they are a marvelous thing to behold (there are probably some golden ratios in there or something). Their plumage is also attractive, from the striking green of the drake mallard’s head to the pure white of the domestic duck. The appearance of ducklings is so admired that it is used as a standard for judging the appearance of other young birds. Not that such fables make any sense, since the duck has all the grace or swans or geese without the ungainly long neck or ill temper (a gøøse once bit my sister…). I vote top one for beautiful animals.

Awwww, just look at those adorable little wings

            To avoid being shallow, I will explain why I also love ducks for their brains. Ducks convey an amazing sense of humor. Take the quack for instance. Is any other animal call so laden with notes of good natured humor? It often sounds so much like laughing that it is hard not to join in. Naturally curious and friendly, ducks are very easy to get along with (especially if you have some bread on you). They are great pets since they are easy to take care of and are more trainable than most cats. Ducklings also imprint on the first large creature they see after hatching, so a duck can be more of a family member than any silly mammalian pet. They may try to fly away occasionally, but that is only due to their incredible ability to migrate thousands of miles. Ducks love travel. There they are, hanging out in Alberta for the summer when all of a sudden they wonder what’s going on down at the Gulf of Mexico. Next thing you know they are off with all their buddies on a crazy adventure, but don’t worry, they will be back again for spring break next year (Canada is the place to go for spring break). Ducks are also better at monogamous relationships than many humans, and are loving parents. Moreover, ducks are good at hockey, have strong political opinions, care about your insurance needs, love adventure (also rock music?), and also whatever this guy does. They’ve got a lot going for them.

Flying, swimming, and bipedal walking, what can't they do?

            If you’re not impressed by the stupendous nature of my most un-fowl friends, I will leave you with some 100% true facts about ducks (feel free to cite me on these).

1. The fourth most intelligent animal, behind humans, dolphins, and orangutans.
2. Can pack enough venom into one bite to kill 20 men. They just choose not to.
3. The direct evolutionary descendant of the Diplodocus.
4. Were trained to replace Carrier Pigeons in World War I, but they kept delivering messages to the enemy because they thought it was funny.
5. Have 50 different words for “fun to poop on.”
6. Can see in the X-ray spectrum.
7. Have a foul tasting meat that causes severe stomach cramps (should not be eaten).
8. Have been clocked in excess of 70 mph, swimming.
9. Immune to all know forms of disease or virus.
10. Actually responsible for all of Shakespeare’s plays.